31 May, 2009
i wish i could turn back time.
and never make the mistakes that i made.
but again,
people learn from mistakes, obstacles and all.
big mistake, small mistake,
regret or anything,
everyone learn from it,
move on,
and put it all behind.
but yet again,
nobody likes to be reminded of their mistake(s).
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:12 PM :)
it feels really good to be home.
(((:
no, not this home,
but the one with all the God's people.
had CG at Island Creamery.
and the moment i reached there, and saw them,
joy just filled.
i was happy, like really.
the peace, the joy.
went for service too and stayed after PnW.
and of course,
it feels the best to be in His presence.
(((:
and mummy called the guys for mahjong again yesterday.
lol.
i don't play that,
and so i met up with Ru.
wanted to go over kelly's place to find kuku, xiaobai and deanna,
when Ru suggested asking Jiayu down or a smoke.
lol.
yeah, i know it's weird.
apparently we didn't meet up like that before,
but! everything turns out just fine!(:
supper-ed, and home.
Ru stayed over.
it was a mistake.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:27 PM :)
30 May, 2009
respect?
how important is that?
MN actually reminded me of that.
yeah, she's right,
we very long never talk/meet alr.
even though it's just a short while at school cheers,
but i appreciate it. (:
and likewise, i miss you love. (((:
cal,
idk what to say.
but thanks for everything,
like really.
you've always been there, i know. (:
loveya!
and evan,
like what i said,
i appreciate you really a lot. (:
too many thanks to appreciate and thank you for.
<3s!
i miss the whole LLL hanging out together.
till late night, wee hours in town/hollandv anywhere!
oh,
and i sure gonna say this.
for some unknown reasons,
i miss fel and do too!
they make my every friday enjoyable!
<3s!
watched NATM with DK, cal and evan.
slacked around, TCC-ed.
saw Sam and Cara!
been long since i last saw Sam though.
hahahaa.
was kinda happy when she smiled and waved! (((:
wanted to blog yesterday,
but was too tired to.
had a lot of thoughts on the bus ride home from school.
enough of hearing.
i think i've heard whatever that i need to.
it's time to put to action,
and do something about it.
just a want is not enough.
where's the action?
(thanks for this, love)
oh!
and fel said the Musical Performance in Expo is confirmed!
MID AUGUSTTTTT!
((((:
im really excited about it to the max!
been long since i last performed,
and some more it's gonna be a large scale event!
andddd! it's at expo?
awesome man!
hahaha.
honey, im waiting for you to update me!!! (:
i just feel the joy when i told Cal,
"see you tmr".
it feels so long since im last back there.
(:
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:54 AM :)
26 May, 2009
i guess sometimes it just feel good to receive phone calls.
(((:
just before i headed for dinner,
cal called me.
and don't know for what reason,
i actually felt happy.
yeah, we're talking about D and all!
haha.
and Dodo just called me to ask something.
and im happy to hear her voice too!
(:
alright,
it's just another random post.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:54 PM :)
love,me says: (10:54:23 PM)
its a joy looking at ur pics la
Renee Isabelle says: (10:54:36 PM)
huh?
love,me says: (10:54:59 PM)
lol its a joy looking at ur pics cox ur smiles brighten up me
how sweeet is that?
thanks dear! (((:
all the best for your projs, work and exams! (((:
seeya soon?
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:27 PM :)
i think,
i'm falling sick sooon.
it feels really terrible.
))):
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:11 PM :)
what a bitch i am, huh?
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:33 PM :)
i just want you to understand,
it's not easy for me too.
back to square one?
a getaway
is maybe all i ever wanted for now.
away from here, away from everything.
but i hate the fact that i'm only 18,
and i can go nowhere.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:07 PM :)
fuck.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:17 AM :)
yet another one.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:33 AM :)
25 May, 2009
i thought it was a good talk with Fel on the bus.
been laughing, smiling, crapping too much.
yeah, cos i believe
no matter how upset, bothered you are, continue laughing along and all,
you'll feel better.
perhaps that's how i got by each day for the past 1-2 weeks?
and now,
i'm tired.
tired of laughing and all,
pretending or rather thinking that i'm okay.
cos i aren't happy.
no, i'm not.
anyway, Fel,
thanks for listening, talking today.
really appreciate it.
loveya, girl. (:
alright.
i received a message from Jiayu today.
lol, been long.
i'm shocked to see her name during scriptwriting class,
i thought i saw wrongly Huiyu's name or something.
but yeah.
she asked me stuffs about Ru and we chatted a while.
hahaha.
then,
after school,
i called Ru telling her, and yeah.
hahaha. she says Jiayu is a cute bung.
lol. yeah, not bad, agreee!
been long i hear from Weiru!
keep saying i no heart.
lol.
and the best part is,
just right after Wr's phone call,
my handphone crashed. ))):
it's still on, but the whole screen went blank. goodness.
so people,
it might take me a while (or maybe more than a while)
to get back to you this period.
i hope my mummy allows me to get a new phone!
and so,
i took bus to JE.
and guess what,
i bumped into Jiayu.
hahahahaha.
talked throughout the whole bus trip,
niceeee (:
really long since i last saw her or something.
i guess the last time is at zouk?
lol.
i just reached home, and i'm leaving home in around 45mins.
going back to NP for NRA.
(((:
and my stomach has been very weak.
))):
oh! and i bumped into Xueli at Makan Place today! (((:
happpyyy to see her!
everytime only talk online and text,
seldom see!
hohoho.
and she said she's happy to see me tooooo!
woooo!
<3s!
look, i'm sorry.
i'm really sorry.
i really didn't know what to say,
or neither do i know what to do.
i'm sorry.
i really hope things are gonna be fine.
i'm sorry.
sometimes i find myself sucha bitch.
like, really.
| till death do us apart<3 | 6:49 PM :)
getaway?
i want a vacation to somewhere else.
out of singapore.
i wanna go somewhere where there's a beautiful beach!
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:14 AM :)
23 May, 2009
baby J died.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:59 PM :)
i'll stumble, i'll fall down
but i'll not be moved
i will make mistakes, i will face heartaches
but i'll not be moved.
on Christ the solid rock i stand
all other grounds are sinking sand.
[got this from the video from MN's blog. (:]
dreams are alive in You.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:41 PM :)
i got the answer of what does it mean to lose myself.
remember i used to say,
in Him, i found myself?
and so,
i lose myself when i lose Him.
which i know i won't.
(:
He's stronger.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:36 PM :)
because there's a certain group of people
i'll never forget,
never stop loving,
never stop caring,
never stop missing.
<3s.
Weiqiang, DK, Cal, MN, MichLo, Evan.
i miss home.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:20 PM :)
22 May, 2009
maybe i'm a bad one.
somehow, i feel like going MIA for a while.
haha.
that's just a thought.
i know it's impossible.
ohwell.
maybe im talking crap again.
it feels like ...
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:15 PM :)
i thought there's no dinner tonight.
but someone just give me a random call!
hahahaha.
yeah, my dearest kelly shifu.
suddenly called me up,
ask if i wanna go eat.
and of course!
been real longggggg since i last saw her.
dinner/supper with kelly, hwa, pingleh and xiaobai.
((((((:
it totally brings me back to the past when i hanged out with them!
(((:
and still,
as enjoyable.
thanks loves!
i'm as clueless as to what's the problem.
i dont like this, totally.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:32 AM :)
21 May, 2009
why?
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:04 AM :)
20 May, 2009
what is meant by losing myself?
getting real drop-dead drunk?
getting so upset that i lose my sanity?
trying to laugh and smile when i'm not at a least happy?
idk.
people can be smiling, laughing, high-ing,
but sometimes,
that's to cover up the sadness within.
just a thought.
take a breathe.
would u catch me if i ever fall?
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:36 PM :)
just how small the world is,
everyone seems to be linked up.
lol.
i believe
under every smile,
there's a broken piece.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:49 AM :)
19 May, 2009
i did a quiz on facebook,
and i thought it's pretty cute
"what cute love quote are you?"
results:
somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes,
i fell in love.
<3s!
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:19 AM :)
i couldn't explain how much i'm fearful of misunderstandings and all.
misunderstandings kill, destroy and all.
how scary.
complications.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:52 AM :)
18 May, 2009
having scriptwriting now.
upper abs stomach in pain pain pain.
ever since morning after drinking the honey lemon.
))):
sighs
anyway,
i'm feeling all thankful and apologetic towards Huiyu.
first, she texted me in the morning at 735am.
didn't hear it, until 815am.
got a shocked and wake up, replied her and all.
and she''s sooooo nice to offer to cab to my place and then go school.
she waited at my place downstair for about 10mins or something?
))): sorrry dear!
cabbed to school and all.
ALMOST late?
she offered to pay.
make me feel so baddddddd. ))):
but anyway,
thanks so much, like really.
((((:
stomach is getting way too weird.
feels like vomiting?
sighs.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:23 PM :)
you caught me off guard
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:32 AM :)
Cal told me she saw a lot of stars hanging in the sky yesterday night.
awww, but i saw none!
))): depressing.
she was at BT nature reserve.
bring me there next time!
anywhere that is awesome for star gazing,
i'm on!
i miss starry starry nights so much.
)):
i miss just walking home, looking at the stars above.
i miss sitting at henderwaves, and looking at the stars above.
all in all, i just miss looking at the stars.
how beautiful. (:
this show how much i've been missing out about life.
lol
i would love to,
go to a beach, sit there and star gaze whole night,
and also watch the sun rise!
hahahahahha!
how nice is that!
but who knows i might just fall aslp halfway.
hahahahaaha.
oppps.
=/
okay, R, be disciplined.
away from blogger,
and go to microsoftword to do your script.
=/
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:55 AM :)
got to know this song from Jjpapa!
always - bon jovi
[/part of the lyrics]
If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:44 AM :)
met WeiQiang, Cal and DK in town.
i'm superrrrr late, like 45mins. sorry.
but nevertheless,
it feels so different meeting them.
(:
the moment i reach, i received something from Cal.
a handphone accessory which is kinda cute. hahah. (it looks stupid as according to Cal)
Cal bought it, WQ and DK chose it.
thanks loves! ((((:
somehow this lil thing warmed my heart.
thanks, really.
WQ drove DK to pasir ris.
drove past the airport and all.
got me and Cal reminded of 4e4 chalet.
really kinda miss it alot. the night cycling and all.
how fun. ((((:
miss the cycling along the empty road, screaming and all! awww.
anyway, i thought it's really nice talking to Cal, at the back of the car, with the newly bought CD playing on.
like a more heartfelt talk or something.
darling, you're so missed.
i miss WQ and DK too.
(((:
school tmr.
long long long day.
and i've yet to get my script done.
i spent hours packing up my messy lil room.
and now, it soooooo much neater. lol.
i miss staying out real late in the night.
or just simply toning out till early morning.
mMm.
it's how you look at the past that determines the impact on you now.
goodnight, earthlings. (:
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:18 AM :)
17 May, 2009
i guess sometimes days are just hard to get by
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:17 PM :)
for the past two days, i've been sleeping for about 12hours.
lovelove!
i just hope my headache will cease,
and my complexion would get better. lol.
like again, i miss my secondary school's complexion lah
things to do today:
finish up my script
study FTT
meet LLL
and
.
.
.
idk.
haha
my blog has been rather boring.
but im lazy to post pictures up.
lol.
retarded, i know.
hohoho.
tmr's monday again.
long long long day.
NRA after.
((((:
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:14 PM :)
i remember blogging this before.
but i got reminded of this in yesterday SEDP class.
who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
i miss partying?
get a life, R.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:39 AM :)
15 May, 2009
walked through the park near my area den come home.
feel much lighter after that.
i think i should cultivate this habit.
hahaha.
out with evan, cal and MN today. <3s
been long.
sorry if i didnt talk much, was pretty tired.
but well, it's still enjoyable hearing their conversation.
i'm tired.
really am.
headache headache headache.
lalala
something is missing.
what is it?
fun?
hmmmmmm.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:23 PM :)
14 May, 2009
and yeah,
like what dodo said.
feeling super happy.
yeah i do feel super happy after the shooting,
and hanging out with DD.
even though it's just a dinner.
but i like the way we helped each other in proj,
even though fel and do is not in our group.
but they're so sweet.
and how we happily keep everything, packed everything,
locked the doors, say bye to lecturers,
take photos,
talk, walk down to KAP and all.
sweeeets!
<3s!
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:52 PM :)
i thought today's hardmod is bad. )))):
supposingly everyone is stressed up?
like what joce said, do until head pain.
like serious headache.
and i feel like vomiting.
feeling rather stressed up and all.
with this hard to do, that dunno how to do,
lalalalala.
concentration, focus.
eyes turned dry with contact lens, stomach feeling weak and all.
okay, i'm like complaining and like self-pity whatever.
i know it's not only me that is doing this.
haha
upon seeing the bottle of plain water, the 4 panadols, the biscuit,
i so feel like crying. ))):
thanks love!
i just feel rather out of breath.
sounds v pathetic hor? LOL.
okay la, i think i gotta stop.
but poly isn't that easy after all okay!
filming straight away after hardmod.
it wasn't what i expected at all.
i thought it gonna be stressed, scary and all.
but everything turned out rather enjoyable.
have got an awesome talent, David.
Mr Lau and Mr Ng were there too.
thanks David for helping! (((((:
and definitely thanks the two teachers, and of course DoDo and Fel! :D
and nevertheless, my two teammates, joce and hannah. you rock! (:
all in all,
i enjoyed today's filming.
the jokes and all.
time of serious, laughing and all.
i felt the satisfaction after leaving NP.
been long since i'm with DVFX dearests in the night.
and i thought it's fun! (:
mac-ed for dinner after filming, yes the 5 of us.
i love 'em! totally! <3s!
ohhh!
did i mention yesterday two kind souls bought zam-buk for me,
and helped me to apply and rub my blue black on both my knees that i got from NRA?
thanks so much!
hahahaha
met with Ru and Hwa also. (:
i thought it's not bad,
been really long since i last see them, and talked to them.
talked quite a bit with kuku.
just like the old good times.
she sent me home, talked and all.
and yeah, like what she said, miss it. (:
thankssss!
finally saw Cal today.
talked a bit, and "played" someone.
lalalala.
miss you girl!
i want nothing than just a nice, relax, peaceful chill out day.
that's all i really need for now.
to take a breather, to relax, to know what's life again.
hahahaha.
tmr? hmmmm. i hope so.
i'm off to do my stuffs, and do poem.
needa reach sch early again tmr.
Mmm.
is there anything i forget to blog about?
i think so. =/
but i cant remember what is it.
ohwell.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:32 PM :)
13 May, 2009
i miss gossip girl.
but i'm so lazy to search for it online.
hmmmmmm.
i need to start on my poem tonight.
yes, R.
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:24 PM :)
that blog post of yours means a lot to me. (:
thanks love!
i'm touched.
(((:
beyond words.
no, i dont think any of us actually understands how i really feel reading that post.
((((:
thanks!
i hope i could just let go of the past.
cos it's not helping at all.
but the impact is too deep.
it still hurts upon thinking about it.
but what to do?
let go, move on.
it's the past alr, R.
i'm gonna smile,
no matter how hard it gonna be.
no matter what gonna happen.
(:
He's there.
(;
obstacles only ma.
big deal uh?
my God is bigger than all this.
my God is stronger then 'em all.
this is the reason that i can smile, just so freely.
this is the reason of the joy within, so unspeakable, so contagious (as said by Cal (: ).
this is the reason.
(:
i can never thank Him enough for the people in my life.
<3
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:20 AM :)
09 May, 2009
and i thought today could hang out with the usuals, after church or something.
but ended up?
screwed, like again.
how irritating can it get?
all i ask for is things to be alright, is it so hard?
compare compare compare compare,
vent anger, all kinda shits come out when unhappy.
what is it?
anyhow link.
i'm angry, but not as angry as the past anyhow.
why?
cos i can't be bothered alr, i guess.
i miss them.. LLL.
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:37 PM :)
08 May, 2009
okay, today totally KO man.
so draining, so tired.
morning is motion graphics,
afternoon hardware modelling.
-.-
brain dead. stressed.
but i thought the class for hardmod is rather funny with all of us so blur with maya and all.
hahaha.
lesson ended pretty early, like 445pm when it should ends at 6pm?
yeah, but i know such time never lasts.
haha.
headed JP to help mummy find her thing, but cannot find,
go home, and KO.
lol.
oh i find myself so retarded just now.
was sleeping when diona called, twice.
haha.
and for whatever she said/asked, i just everything also ask her ask calista.
hahahahahaha. i also dunno what i doing man.
so funny.
den ended up, when i "sober", i called her and asked what is it.
HAHA. oppps.
and my dear kuku entitled me as Princess R.
hahaha.
so sweeeet!
(:
lovelove!
and i came up with a stalker diploma for someone!
hahahah!
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:21 AM :)
07 May, 2009
just dance, gonna be okay. (:
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:00 AM :)
05 May, 2009
i thought this morning i felt something different on the bus.
i know it's Him. (:
was listening to Here In My Life,
and suddenly it's felt so different.
Your love overwhelmed me.
<3
dinner-ed with Calista,
den came MN, wan and amiril.
(:
oh!
passed BTT at last.
lol. evan passed too.
thank God.
(:
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:51 AM :)
04 May, 2009
1/4 of my brain is thinking about my 2Act stories which is dued tmr,
another 1/4 of my brain is thinking about my BTT tmr,
the next 1/4 of my brain is thinking about dance,
the last 1/4 of my brain is focusing on chatting.
HAHA.
multi-tasking.
awesome.
brain juice..
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:43 AM :)
03 May, 2009
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.
how true is that ..
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:29 PM :)
thoughts after thoughts;thoughts after thoughts.
a surge of emotions.
take control, R.
you've got things to do and complete.
focus.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:49 PM :)
been long since i last hanged out with mummy, bro, aunt, cousins and gang alr.
and i thought it was good.
(:
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:38 AM :)
02 May, 2009
You carried me.
You see my heart,
You know how much i love You,
You know how much i adore You.
My Lord.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:11 PM :)
it feels different whenever i started dancing.
yes i definitely bound to feel stressed,
but i do enjoy it still.
and maybe it's only during dance
that i could put all thoughts aside.
that's because i need full focus, and concentration,
and i've got no choice but to leave those things behind.
and perhaps,
that's why i feel peace, happy whenever i dance.
oh and felicia told asked if im interested to perform in a large-scale musical in august.
it's totally so cool, at expo somemore.
of course i am!
and yeah, waiting for further details.
(:
if it's possible, i'm so gonna ask yiqi, baby, karen and baohui too!
my back is paining like mad again.
it will get well soon,
yes it will.
no way will you see me in that state ever again.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:09 PM :)
Do you know how much it ever hurts?
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:57 AM :)
01 May, 2009
it's such a frank talk.
we've never been this frank towards each other over this issue before.
i know of things that i never knew.
thanks so much for telling me all those that is hidden within for so long.
(:
yes, you're right, give yourself another chance.
loveya!
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:23 PM :)
just when i was about to go to sleep,
shit happens again.
i'm not some genius who knows everything.
what's wrong nowadays?
fancy blaming any single things on anyone they could find,
venting anger on anyone?
come on, i'm just a human.
i didn't learn that how the hell would i know?
it's not even my fault and how come it seemed like everything is blamed on me?
the tone, the attitude everything.
if i learnt about that before, i've got nothing to say.
no, i never.
can u imagine every night when you sleep,
you dreamt of scary things?
you dreamt of people coming to kill you,
you dreamt of the world is ending,
you dreamt of gross stuffs like people's head was chopped off and the brain, the blood is visible,
you dreamt of you trying to run but you've got no strength,
you dreamt of you gonna die/died.
you didn't even get to sleep peacefully.
and know what,
you can't even wake up in a proper manner.
you woke up in fright, in shocked.
not by the dreams, but by the realistic loud sounds.
imagine every morning you just literally jumped out of bed because someone opened your door so LOUDLY,
that it scares u and wakes you up.
it's like you hear a bomb outside your house that loud.
imagine someone closes/opens the toilet door so LOUDLY that again it scares you and wakes you up.
imagine halfway through sleeping, you hear loud noises made by ur neighbours,
and again, scares you and wakes you up.
it happens almost everyday, or at least every other day.
it feels rather terrible, very.
to be sleeping and getting so disturbed by the dreams,
and got woken up in fright.
it feels terrible,
i feel terrible.
i couldn't express how i feel towards everything nowadays.
i feel so stressed up,
every where i go.
i remember MN talked to me online a few days ago about school,
and yeah, stressed totally.
yes, workload in school not literally a lot right now,
but everyday my mind consciously, subconsciously is thinking about the work to be done.
i feel stressed when i'm in ..
dance, home (family), school, church (?).
i just wanna be myself.
i just wanna do the things i wanna do.
sometimes i just find myself so useless ..
Daddy,
embrace me, will You?
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:19 AM :)
i got back my Mac today.
yeah, finally can stop torturing my fingers.
i still love you (my mac).
i smiled today.
i laughed today.
i got scared today.
i'm in pain today.
i crapped today.
i shared today.
i cried today.
that's for today,
tmr will be a better day, i hope.
if it's so meaningless,
i'm not gonna say them again.
i just thought of what MN wrote in her blog.
what makes her feel safe.
and i thought what's mine?
dancing makes me feel safe.
lying on my ever-most-comfy bed, with my nice awesome blanket and pillows/bolster makes me feel safe.
(:
i can't wait,
i can't wait for the day when i know my dream has come true,
and i know in my heart,
it's fulfilled.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:22 AM :)
