28 February, 2009
completed LLL.
((((:
awesome.
i love tanning.
more to come in the next 2 weeks! :D
seriously, R,
it's time to spend your time wisely.
you've got tons of books to finish reading.
and you're taking forever!
yes, BOOKS, people.
don't doubt. hahahahhahahaa.
get your mind into the books, R!
NRA starting next weeeeeek!!!! :D :D :D
awesome, perfect.
lovelove!
off to get my beauty sleep.
goodnight!
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:17 AM :)
27 February, 2009
sentosa tomorrow!
love it!
God, i pray for good, sunny (enough for us to get tanned) weather tml! :D
AMEN!
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:30 AM :)
26 February, 2009
it breaks my heart to see you in this state.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:05 AM :)
24 February, 2009
okay, this is retarded.
but i'm back to just blog about something short.
szeting's and evan's birthday that day,
i actually received a part 2 present from dar, mummy and ah ma.
i think they supposed i'll tear when i read that.
but apparently, i didn't.
i didn't tear the first time i read it at acidbar.
i didn't tear the second time i read it before i sleep on one particular
but,
i teared the third time i read. today at 11pm.
i dunno why.
written on one particular page:
" let your emotions flow.."
it flowed.
ended of with:
" P.S. Have You Teared? :) "
yes, i did.
total sweetness from them.
hey loves (szeting, grace & diona),
you guys have been so great, so sweet.
thanks so much.
i don't wanna anything to change between us.
for the better, yes.
for the worst, NO.
i won't exchange you guys for anything.
& suddenly,
i realise i miss you guys so much.
been long since we last really sit down and talk, meetups.
nevertheless,
i still love you guys, not even 1% lesser!
i hope you guys could feel the love, misses, touchness that i wanna bring forward.
((((:
lovelove!
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:04 PM :)
i know my post has been rather negative.
so yea,
i've decided to stop flooding my blog with all sort of negativity.
i'll stop till i'm better.
till then.
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:59 PM :)
i've lost that confidence.
i need it back.
take away the fear, establish the confidence in me, once again, God.
this is blocking me out.
this isn't going anywhere, without You.
no, the bomb isn't going to explode.
it can't.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:28 AM :)
23 February, 2009
i'm just that simple.
i do what i do, i say what i say,
and i mean it all.
just that simple.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:05 AM :)
21 February, 2009
Cause all You are
is all i want always
hold me close in Your arms
O God, I wanna be with You
helpless as i am,
i cry out to You
God, won't You embrace me?
won't You wipe away the tears?
Lord, carry me in Your arms,
like how a daddy would carry his beloved baby.
break my confusion.
i'm too confused,
over many things, so bleak.
take away all things that aren't from You.
here i come, with all i am,
with all my burdens, sadness, disappointments, confusion, happiness, everything.
i wanna leave it at the altar,
i wanna seek Your face.
who sees my cries, but You.
who sees the tears, but You.
i'm broken, Daddy.
inside is feeling so weird.
everything seemed to be fine,
but why am i ... ?
yes God, i need emotional healing.
heal my broken heart, Lord.
God,
You know i never have enough of You.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:58 PM :)
in a state of confusion.
oh boy.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:36 AM :)
20 February, 2009
i don't wanna be any other person.
i just wanna be myself.
so what if i don't seem as better?
i believe,
God is fair.
there's tons of things for me to do.
stop this procrastination, R.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:41 PM :)
18 February, 2009
if i don't,
i wouldn't have done all that.
but well,
forget it.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:10 AM :)
17 February, 2009
i'm very confused,
about a lot of things.
someone told me this.
"girl, i think you should give yourself a break"
and yes, i think i needed that.
&&& stdardar,
i miss you,
dearly.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:38 PM :)
15 February, 2009
in the mood for nothing,
nothing at all.
doubts. questions.
fear. sadness.
anger. disappointment.
discouragement.
etc .
Lord, take 'em all.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:58 PM :)
something that i don't have to ask.
cos i already know.
it's idiot-proof.
oh, comeon.
*
planetshakers is coooool!
but the music was kinda loud that i've got intense headache straight after that,
even till now. =(
anyway,
it's stilll AWESOMEEEEE.
*
take me deeper, than i've ever been
take me further, God i long for more
take me higher, than i've ever been
| till death do us apart<3 | 9:10 PM :)
the thought of it just turns me off.
just makes me don't feel like doing anything similar.
whatever.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:48 AM :)
14 February, 2009
i need my loud, sharp voice back.
i need the pain in the throat to go away.
i need the cough to cease.
i need the headache to shoo.
and i need the fever to lose the way here.
all in all,
i need to gain back my strength,
and stop feeling so weak.
HAPPY VALENTINE, PEOPLE.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:28 AM :)
13 February, 2009
i pray for Your healing hands to be upon me.
Lord, i'm feeling very terrible.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:13 PM :)
i'll stop,
and stand at this spot.
i can't move on in this anymore.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:08 PM :)
a gift is no longer a gift.
-getaway-
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:01 AM :)
11 February, 2009
sometimes i wonder why.
why is it when people get closer than arguments, conflicts arise more frequently.
why is it when people are close they don't seemed to be closer on the outside,
with all the unhappiness they have of each other etc.
this is because,
when people get close,
there is higher expectations of each other,
deeper understanding of each other,
more transparent with each other,
etc..
but again,
what is love?
check this out.
1cor13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
how important is this?
even if you're angry, pissed off whatever,
what reasons does it gives you to say hurtful words, etc?
fyi,
i'm not pointing this at anyone.
i know at times i'm guilty of this too.
just a reminder for myself, and anyone else.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:32 PM :)
sore throat,
cough,
headache,
body weak.
crapppp.
i hate this.
it's killing my appetite.
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:11 PM :)
10 February, 2009
CAL. says: (11:13:10 PM)
anw, yeah,
CAL. says: (11:13:45 PM)
the movie yeah. i know deep inside, you'll be one whom will grow old with me. and yeah, on my wedding day, i hope you'll be my bridesmaid too!
Renee Isabelle says: (11:13:59 PM)
hahahahahahahahahahahaah!
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:02 PM)
this is so unexpected
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:06 PM)
can i post this up on my blog?
CAL. says: (11:14:10 PM)
lol
CAL. says: (11:14:12 PM)
up to you
CAL. says: (11:14:12 PM)
haha
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:14 PM)
hahahahahaha
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:17 PM)
thanks sweeeets!
CAL. says: (11:14:21 PM)
and i hope i can be urs too!
CAL. says: (11:14:22 PM)
hahahaha
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:24 PM)
hahahaha
Renee Isabelle says: (11:14:27 PM)
OKAY!!!!!!!
CAL. says: (11:14:29 PM)
no la.
CAL. says: (11:14:32 PM)
cos u see ah,
CAL. says: (11:14:35 PM)
of so many people.
CAL. says: (11:14:38 PM)
in my life.
CAL. says: (11:14:44 PM)
people come in and go out.
CAL. says: (11:15:06 PM)
but yeah, you're one who stayed throughout with me for three years? this is the third year. seems short, but i'm pretty sure.
CAL. says: (11:15:31 PM)
despite there were and are many unhappiness at times, having misunderstandings/miscommunications/conflicts btwn us,
CAL. says: (11:15:39 PM)
but it really seems like no matter what, nothing can break it.
CAL. says: (11:16:05 PM)
even if we're both so unhappy and such. but it's really amazing how each time the friendship will pick itself up very quickly
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:21 PM)
yeaaaa. (:
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:27 PM)
exactly, totally, absolutely.
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:31 PM)
((((:
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:39 PM)
this is so sweeeeet!
CAL. says: (11:16:51 PM)
.....
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:51 PM)
never expected to end my day with all these from you
CAL. says: (11:16:52 PM)
lol
Renee Isabelle says: (11:16:52 PM)
hahaha
CAL. says: (11:16:53 PM)
chill la.
CAL. says: (11:16:54 PM)
haha
CAL. says: (11:17:02 PM)
no la. actually in the movie, i was thinking of u la.
CAL. says: (11:17:05 PM)
like yeah. hahahaa
CAL. says: (11:17:13 PM)
as much as i was distracted by whatever that happeend
CAL. says: (11:17:33 PM)
u know, in these few wks of turmoil for me, u were still standing by my side, and its not that i dont know or what. but i js chose to keep silent.
CAL. says: (11:17:46 PM)
i guess cos it's my ego too. so u hardly hear such things from me or i'll tell u
CAL. says: (11:17:46 PM)
hahhaa
Renee Isabelle says: (11:17:52 PM)
hahahahahhahaa.
Renee Isabelle says: (11:17:58 PM)
okayyyy.
Renee Isabelle says: (11:18:13 PM)
i'm gonna post all this long long passage in my blog
Renee Isabelle says: (11:18:14 PM)
hahahahaahah!
CAL. says: (11:18:18 PM)
....
CAL. says: (11:18:21 PM)
embarassing leh
CAL. says: (11:18:24 PM)
wahh lao
CAL. says: (11:18:24 PM)
lol
Renee Isabelle says: (11:18:34 PM)
LOL. it's something worth remembering!
CAL. says: (11:18:40 PM)
hahhahaha
CAL. says: (11:18:41 PM)
fine fine fine
CAL. says: (11:18:42 PM)
lol
CAL. says: (11:18:55 PM)
but make sure ah, my bridesmaid gown must be beautiful!
aren't she sweeeet?
it's rare to receive such "chessy" things from her.
but well,
i'm touched, encouraged definitely! :D
and see la,
this girl uh.
so fast requesting for a beautiful gown alr.
LOL!
anyway,
thanks love!
:D
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:15 PM :)
this is my 3d room using Maya! :D
okay, first of all,i'm posting for the sake of MY OWN,
not to show off or whatever.
in any case, it's not a really nice work or whatever.
euminl said it's so emo.
is it?
hahahahaha.
but i like it!
it's black, purple and design-ful.
ohoh! spot the tv!
can u see it's gossip girl?
HAHAHAHHAHA.
imagine if this is my room in future.
my poor hubby gotta live in "darkness" with me.
HOHOHOHO.
| till death do us apart<3 | 9:43 PM :)
09 February, 2009
my stomach is hurting so badly.
crap.
later still got family dinner for last day of new year.
:(
it's killing me.
| till death do us apart<3 | 6:49 PM :)
08 February, 2009
sometimes i really wonder. wonder so deeply, so far away. what is dance to me, what am i in dance? seriously, i dunno. i know i love dance, i know i wanna excel, i know i wanna be a good, awesome dancer. i know i won't mind giving up my studies to go dance. i know i won't mind investing time, energy, money in dance if i've got the opportunities. but, it just seemed like i can't do it. watched a few videos on practices, and bo's and yiu's practices. i'm discouraged, disappointed, totally. i look back on how stressed i will be during each practices, how much i feel like crying when i don't do well, i think it just ... suck? i don't know. where's the feel? where's the moves? where's the aura? where where where is it? totally admire NRA seniors. people like JJ, orange, becca, jaei, ken, zixiang and a lot a lot of them. they're awesome. yes i know, they've passed my stage. they went through it before. i know they put in a lot of hardwork, time, energy everything. but but but, at times, or rather most of the time, i just doubted if it is not the place for me. i don't know. yes, passion and love is there, but do i possess any other thing other than that?each time i see people dance, it just motivates me, but at the end of the day, i just feel "useless". many a times, i feel like giving up, but i don't bear to. many a times i just tell myself, work harder, try harder, next time i could be so much better. everyone's trying too, i just need to press on. but, i just become so discouraged. i don't know. dance, it got me high, got me low. i wonder, m i really that talentless in dance or what? m i not going to go far here? is there just a slight chance for me to excel, or many none?
perhaps i just need a hug, or a pat, or words that encourages.
and definitely, i need God so much more in this.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:55 PM :)
part and parcels for "Crush"
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush ;
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized ;
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush? ;
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
sweeeeet.
(:
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:20 PM :)
someone shared with me this.
and it deeply encouraged me.
(:
"i'm grateful these days are over. everyone does not have to like what i like for me to feel secure. it is wonderful to be able to approve of myself because of God approves of me, even if others do not. it is good to be humble enough to receive correction, yet confident enough to not let the opinions of others control me. His HS in me will show me what is right for me."
not bounded by other's opinion, expectations.
what matters is God.
for only He is worthy to judge.
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:12 PM :)
alright. i'm back, like finally finally. and yeaaa, i'll try to recall everything. haha.
1st feb, saturday.
yeaaa, church as usual. and now, i think the people got wiser. singing birthday song when we got forfeit. thanks Oikos. after service, rushed down to lakeshore condo. no doubt, no deny, i'm surprised, shocked, lost for words. i mean, i thought it's just some small celebration kinda thing. but i didnt expect like my whole family, extended family and some uncles blah blah were there. first thing i heard " wahhhh. birthday girl late uh.". uhhhh, hahahaha. and den, i remember KK came up to me wishing me happy birthday, giving me the present and followed by the red packets from my relatives. i'm too shocked to know how to react, and i'm serious.
ohhh, and the people present:
evan, MN, michlo, cal, weiqiang, szeting, diona, jasmine, grace, khailoon, sky, yaxin, kelly, meizhu, kuku, xiaobai, qizhen, weiru, benjamin, kahkoon, eric, weisong, ruisong, jensen, loraine, kenta andddd my family, relatives. (i hope i didn't miss out anyone. please tell me if i do!)
and sooo, all the eating, chatting, crapping, receiving of red packets, presents, wishings, shaking hands, saying thank-yous took place. waited for cal and wq before cutting cake. (: and yeaaa.
i thought everything was cool. never had this kinda celebration before. thanks people! u guys make it possible! (: i enjoyed. and i know it cost mummy a bomb. thanks. although it wasn't those kinda hyper, wild, party kinda party, but this, i'm contented, satisfied. (: ohhh, and thanks for all the presents, wishings, everything! sweeets!
4feb, wednesday.
yes, i'm the queen! :D so, my loveliest DVFX babes dated me to JP sweensens. and i'm sorry for being late! =/ ate, chatted, took photos. anddddd, they said wanna eat dessert. okay lor, i thought i'm fine with it even though i'm kinda full. fel was asking me to choose the ice cream, and then a bowl(?) of ice cream came, with a candle on it. how nice uh, ney! u lied! hahahaha. but it caught me by surprise lar. they sanged birthday song for me, and i was indeed superrr pai sey. hahah. thanks babes! you guys rock lah! you guys make my life in NP so enjoyable, fun! :D love you guys!
oh! this i will never forget.
fel: renee, i've got something to tell you. (stood up, and walked out of the classroom)
R: -blurred- what is it? (following her)
show a "garden" of roses outside the class.
fel and R started laughing. R looked at the paper stating: Happy birthday Renee Isabelle Tan.
R: who is it from? so freaky. goodness. HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
fel: i dunno. HAHAHA.
R: don't lie, felicia, i know you know it. someone called you right?
and yes, i went to check her phone, and i know who is it from! HAHAHAHHAHAHA.
sorry ney, you're just helping, and still you kena "scolded". hahahah. love you big time uh!
the roses are sooooooo lovely. sweet-smelling. goodness. it's totally gorgeous, baby! :D totally in love with it lah! oh, i think my mum loves it too, everytime come to my room will touch it. hahaahha. thanks big big big time! :D
called cal numberous time. cabbed home with her. and the "garden of roses" is breaking my hands. thanks dodo for helping me, and accompanying me to the busstop. (: it's more than 3 KG lar. because of that i kinda get slight muscle ache man. hahaha.
dinner-ed at pasta cafe with LLL. yesss! after so long since all members are present larrrr. simple dinner, marvelous lovely people! if you ask did i enjoy my birthday, i would say yes. it's simple yet pleasant. the pure fun, joy. (: thanks LLL. let's have more and more reunion, when everyone is around ok! this coming sat?!?!?!? it's valentine! <3<3>
all in all, thanks everyone who is part of my 18th birthday. you guys make it so wonderful. (: really. thank God for this day, totally. Thank You, Daddy! <3
6feb - evan's/szeting's birthday.
met cal and DK for movie - benjamin. i thought it was not bad, just that it's too long. i was late, and i left early. =( though able to spend some time with them or something, but didn't get to. met weiru to eat. chatted, catched up and stuffs like that. we're like superrr early lar. went alley first, den proceed to acid. waited waited .. yaxin came, szeting evan grace came, and den the rest. ohhh ohhhh! i'm superrrr surprise with the part 2 thing from szeting, diona and grace. i thought it was totally sweeet! those ancient photos. goodness. makes me burst out into laughter laughter and still laughter. hahahhahahhaaaha. thanks dears! <3>
my dardar and my darldarl, you two know i loveeeeee you to bits, don't you? :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (i know it's a bit late here, but yea) hahahaha.
alright, that should be all for birthdays. haha.
so back to today. went to bbdc to take btt date with evan. haha. more than a month away. lalalala. and den, went to eat and home sweet home. supposed to meet cal for dinner, but in the end didn't. =( forget about the reason. was kinda sian alr, so yea, slp slp slp. ohhh! and i've got a dream. a sweet dream, i suppose? (: unexpected. hahaha. but i'm not gonna tell you what. lol. woke up, and i'm missing you mian. =( even till now!
tml is the first time i'm gonna tutor someone. hahahaha. was kinda scare, went popular with evan after bbdc. checked out the books. both of us were laughing out loud regarding the questions. hahahaah. okay, whatever. but still, pray for me. nevertheless, i'm scare for whatever reasons.
what can i do but praise You? every single day, there's reasons for me to praise You. You're just so awesome, just so lovely, just so wonderful. from the first time i met You, i know i'm in love with You. i know i'm in this everlasting love relationship. i know, yes i know it, God. i know i'm totally secured in this relationship with You. i know i can just freely dance in Your freedom, in Your love. so undeserved, unworthy, but You love me. what more can i say, but to fall deeper in love with You. i just want You.
*
you come in and out of my mind
| till death do us apart<3 | 8:51 PM :)
06 February, 2009
sometimes i really wonder why..
if it's really that case,
then why?
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:34 AM :)
04 February, 2009
i'll be back with updates,
very soon.
(:
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:45 PM :)
