just got home not about half an hour ago. today is just a confused day, i guess? many many different kinds of emotions and feelings just swept me away, totally.
the lil hope i held on to is dashed. even when the evidence is right in front, i still can't digest it. no, i can't. it's too sudden, too random, too fast. even till now, i still can't fully convince myself. no one sees this coming, no one predicted this. tears of many. cries of many. how heartbreaking. heart sank. tears fell. be strong i told myself. i'm sorry.
(i don't know what to type anymore. there seemed to be too much to say. )
NRA finally resumed. so long never dance, never train, nothing. just merely the warm up is killing me. and basics is worst. but again, the routine is nice. i like it. but again, i'm not happy. i'm disappointed, discouraged, whatever. a lot of thoughts run through my mind during practice. it sucks. plus my contact lens is drying, and the vision was soo blurred. not feeling really well den, giddiness and all those craps.
kuku and gang were at marina kbox. qizhen and kelly not done with proj. so yea, decided to walk home from ngee ann via the "church way". i think that's what i need at the moment. there's so many different kinds of emotions stirring within me. i don't know. i don't know where the roots come from. i dunno what caused each specific emotion, maybe i know but not all. walk and walk, slow pace. and hanging up there are many beautiful, tiny yet distinctive stars, jan wind. i don't know. even as i walk, i feel like crying. and yeaa, teared.
walking is always meaningful. thought through many things, but at the same time a lot of questions popped up. i dunno. i think this walk ... let me think a lot, feel a lot, thought thru a lot, reflect a lot etc..
Qizhen called me while i'm walking, almost reaching yuhua village area. oh, we're supposed to have supper with the birthday girl (kuku) and gang. cos i didnt join them for kbox due to NRA. so, she fetched me up and we waited for them. supper-ed. not bad. their forever never-endings funny crappy jokes and things like that. fun-loving group of people they are. it feels like so long never see them alr, and yea, it has been so long. so kinda glad saw most of them today, except for kelly. happy to see kuku (like finally) and of course yaxin! and the rest of the gang also! all in all, everyone lah!
gave kuku a hug and wished her happy birthday. kuku, i'm glad to see you so happy on your birthday! and yeaaaa, of course, before we left the place, yaxin gave me a hug too! oh oh, first, i hug her and she didn't hug me. so i complained saying it's kinda like one-sided. so second time she hugged me. thanks dear! i'm soooo happy to see you lah! LOL. anyway, i'm really glad to see this group of people after so long. Qizhen, thanks for the drink, and tolerating with my rubbish while waiting for them. of course thanks for the ride there and home! you're nice lah!
(i feel like there's something i need to blog, but i dunno what is it. i'm superrr tired alr.)
something's just missing. what is it.
show me directly the concern.
what's wrong with me today? even till now, it just don't feel right within.
i need to slp. goodnight.
