31 January, 2009
i seriously don't know what's wrong with the people nowadays. ahhhh, well, forget it. after so long, dinner-ed with the 4e4 clique. poor tzuhsuan, that's all i can say. lol. but well, it's pretty funny lar. chilled awhile with diona, cy and lam at yuhua mac. oh, did i mention i almost get killed for making the two guys walked so long, and ended up none of the prata shops is still open? hahahaha. i totally forget it's 11pm den. oppps. =/
i wish i could say i don't give a shit to it at all.
but no, i can't. i'm somehow, somewhat affected. yes.
and i don't understand why.
everyone thought it's fine. and even i thought it's fine.
but, it don't seemed so. tell me why.
i don't see a need for that kind of attitude?
oh come on, grow up.
and yea, 'm having mixed feelings about tml.
and i'm having difficulty typing my mac now due to ytd's carelessness. =(
and as the day is nearing, fear is increasing too.
ohwell, going to slp. dance tml! :D
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:44 AM :)
29 January, 2009
i dunno what you want from me,
seriously.
total discouragement.
can i say or do anything?
no.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:19 AM :)
27 January, 2009
lost the excitement, totally.just don't feel like doing anything at all.
hahahaha.
amazing.
ohwells.
&
i'm totally fine.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:52 PM :)
*
who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
*
reminded of this two sentences from soulmate.
and i know this song from Lydia, my sitting partner in sec!
i thought it was pretty true.
who doesn't long for someone to hold?
i dunno for guys,
but i guess it's a normal girl's desire?
lol.
i know it's pretty random i thought of this.
and yes, it's just this random.
even though there isn't any "he" to hold me,
i know for sure there's one great Him.
always there, never change.
(:
and He's always holding me,
always loving me, looking at me.
and always ready to embrace me,
catching every tear that falls.
how sweet is it? (:
and of course,
i love Him,
totally.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:14 AM :)
i think it's expected that i've forgotten whatever happened last week. yes, i did. almost all, i can only remember one / two thing. sorry, not that it's not significant enough but i've got serious STM, i admit. which is bad, it gets me frustrated. ohwells.
so, went out with Yaxin to catch a movie. vivo, all's well ends well. i thought it was pretty good! i mean, she's nice to hang out with and such. we talked, chit-chatted and crapped. and yea, the show was funny. haha. ohhh, and the sad thing is, she wanna eat sushi teh. haha. but before movie we went, the queue was kinda long, after movie we went, it was closed. awww. so yea. and i think she's kinda paisey going out with me. cos i'll jus scream out loud. hahahaha. oppps. so anyway, we went back to jurong point to meet dar. chill awhile at starbucks and headed home. (: happened to saw xiaobai scandal and deanna. yeppp, it was a nice, pleasant day spent with yaxin! (: loveyou, girl!
friday, after school, met with Calista. headed vivo to shop. nothing much. evan joined us after that. cal left, diona and grace came. they left shortly after. shopped with evan. i'm kinda a happy girl that day cos i bought clothes! :D but yeaa, all dark colours. hahaha. what else, black, dark blue, grey. hahahahaha. whatever lar. anyway, it's coool!
i miss LLL, people. a lot a lot. and of course n_n clique, bear family and many many more..
sat church. short service. for the first time it actually ended so early. reunion dinner at mayim with cell. not bad. nice food. i miss the mayo prawns! lalalalas.
new year eve. hoho. nothing much. reunion lunch-ed with n_n (except for ser and lt). ajisen. not bad lar. jus a lunch, better than nothing alright! at least i get to meet st, grace, diona and wanzi! :D went tiong bahru with st, wanzi and grace. and den head back to jurong east. dar met jas to get something, chilled a while at mac den headed home for reunion.
was pretty shocked to see 2rd, 3rd family, grandparents to reach alr when i step into the door. haha. i stil thought i was early. lalalas. okay, never mind. as usual, steamboat (which i don't really like), so i didn't eat much. 3/4 of the rice i passed to jensen. thanks cousin! hahahaha. it was pretty ... (no comment). kids playing about, taking my things, messing (damaging, as to what my uncle said) with my mac. lalalalalas. slept at around 2 plus i guess.
and yeaaa, today. first day of new year. went over to grandma's place, like what we always do. lunch-ed, slacked for a while. and hohoho, thought of assignment keep weighing on my mind. how sad is this lar. have gotta complete socpsy and animation. hmmm. chatted a while with 5th aunt, mummy and jen's mum. and for dunno what reason, jen's mum is so enthu about celebrating my birthday in advance for me. i feel weird though. as i said, it's the first time i actually celebrated my birthday with my family ppl. hmmmmmm. so yea. i dunno. mixed feelings regarding that. ohwell.
movie-ed with dar, jas and jingwen. bride wars. it was good! i mean, i find it rather meaningful. thoughts and thoughts was just flooding me even as i was watching. but it's a contradiction. i feel like laughing, feel like crying when i watched the show. lol. but it was good. at least, for these two days, it's the one few hours i'm not with my family. hahaha. thanks people! :D
tml, going malaysia in the morning. back in the evening. and and and, i so hope to see LLL! man, new year is the time when i missed my friends most. how can this be! ahh, but nevermind. i guess, tml MN, MichLo and DK is coming back! misses! lalalalas. cal, van and wq, i miss you guys toooo!
i totally forgot what i wanna blog alr. shucks. i hate having such slow, forgetful mind. hmmmm.
and it don't seemed like new year at all, except for the fact there's red packets, and the missing presence of my friends. LOL.
*
it's time, baby. time to be back on the track.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:58 AM :)
24 January, 2009
i've got a lot to blog again.
but apparently,
i'm too lazy, or rather too tired to do so.
be back sooon with updates!
(i hope by then i still remember what i've got in mind to blog. lol)
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:03 AM :)
20 January, 2009
currently in IntroCG lesson. or should i say it ended alr. and the worst is, i don't seemed to learn much from today's lesson. was so freaking tired, and my brain is dead. felt so ... bad, negative. lol. i need more beauty slp!
today is last social psychology lecture. :( no more waking up at 7am and reach school at 9am on tues, but instead 12pm. people must be thinking isn't it good. no it's not, cos no more energizer. how sad is that. ohwells. i still wanna see AD!
many many projs/assignments. sian to the max. let me see.. ComIssue proj, IAC proj, SocPsy quiz, journal assignment and one more group assignment, IntroCG assignment in 2 weeks time, animation (awwwww.), 3D art, locpro editing. okay, i've just named out all my modules. retarded. luckily some are in class assignment. else i'll scream.
i dread of going locpro lecture later. i wanna sleep. but i can't. i missed twice for that module alr. ahhhhhh.
melancholy. :( i need some fun, some excitement, some everything. i need something/someone whatever to cheer me up. hahahah. okay, i sound stupid. but it's true.
muscle ache ache ache ache. lower back, thighs. crapppp. so terrible. difficulty in walking, sitting, everything. lol. the consequences for not self-training for a month or even more? LOL.
i don't understand. why won't you just say, if it's really the case?
*
Jesus, You're the difference in my life
the joy i cannot hide
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:01 PM :)
just got home not about half an hour ago. today is just a confused day, i guess? many many different kinds of emotions and feelings just swept me away, totally.
the lil hope i held on to is dashed. even when the evidence is right in front, i still can't digest it. no, i can't. it's too sudden, too random, too fast. even till now, i still can't fully convince myself. no one sees this coming, no one predicted this. tears of many. cries of many. how heartbreaking. heart sank. tears fell. be strong i told myself. i'm sorry.
(i don't know what to type anymore. there seemed to be too much to say. )
NRA finally resumed. so long never dance, never train, nothing. just merely the warm up is killing me. and basics is worst. but again, the routine is nice. i like it. but again, i'm not happy. i'm disappointed, discouraged, whatever. a lot of thoughts run through my mind during practice. it sucks. plus my contact lens is drying, and the vision was soo blurred. not feeling really well den, giddiness and all those craps.
kuku and gang were at marina kbox. qizhen and kelly not done with proj. so yea, decided to walk home from ngee ann via the "church way". i think that's what i need at the moment. there's so many different kinds of emotions stirring within me. i don't know. i don't know where the roots come from. i dunno what caused each specific emotion, maybe i know but not all. walk and walk, slow pace. and hanging up there are many beautiful, tiny yet distinctive stars, jan wind. i don't know. even as i walk, i feel like crying. and yeaa, teared.
walking is always meaningful. thought through many things, but at the same time a lot of questions popped up. i dunno. i think this walk ... let me think a lot, feel a lot, thought thru a lot, reflect a lot etc..
Qizhen called me while i'm walking, almost reaching yuhua village area. oh, we're supposed to have supper with the birthday girl (kuku) and gang. cos i didnt join them for kbox due to NRA. so, she fetched me up and we waited for them. supper-ed. not bad. their forever never-endings funny crappy jokes and things like that. fun-loving group of people they are. it feels like so long never see them alr, and yea, it has been so long. so kinda glad saw most of them today, except for kelly. happy to see kuku (like finally) and of course yaxin! and the rest of the gang also! all in all, everyone lah!
gave kuku a hug and wished her happy birthday. kuku, i'm glad to see you so happy on your birthday! and yeaaaa, of course, before we left the place, yaxin gave me a hug too! oh oh, first, i hug her and she didn't hug me. so i complained saying it's kinda like one-sided. so second time she hugged me. thanks dear! i'm soooo happy to see you lah! LOL. anyway, i'm really glad to see this group of people after so long. Qizhen, thanks for the drink, and tolerating with my rubbish while waiting for them. of course thanks for the ride there and home! you're nice lah!
(i feel like there's something i need to blog, but i dunno what is it. i'm superrr tired alr.)
something's just missing. what is it.
show me directly the concern.
what's wrong with me today? even till now, it just don't feel right within.
i need to slp. goodnight.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:13 AM :)
19 January, 2009
tell me it's not true, anyone?
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:23 AM :)
17 January, 2009
at this very moment and hour,
negativity is eating me up.
maybe it is,
maybe it's not.
ohwell.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:43 AM :)
YA XIN IS COMING BACK TOMORROW! :Dsweeet!
alright. and so, i didn't go school today. andddd it sucks to have headache whole day. or rather i should say, on and off. okay, whatever. hrmmmm. yes, it's friday again. and of course, LLL (not all) hangout, as usual without fail. pretty simple but yet i like it, especially with the jan wind! :D
watched movie with van, cal and DK. changeling. not bad lah, but it's sad. and yes, cried of course. luckily szeting dar not there, else she'll definitely make fun. opppppps. =/ walked around and talk talk talk. ohhh, the highlight of the day is the transexual at the dunno-what-cafe? hahaa. we stood there for quite long, looking, listening to songs and blah blah blah. ohh, and the singer is attractive lah! next time my boyf must definitely know how to play guitar and sing to me. hahahahahahah!
i'm pretty tired now. church tml, and and and i'm still excited about YX's return! i dont know why i'm so excited also. but yea... hahahahahha!
NRA practice starting on mon! like finally. i've been waiting for it for like sooooo long can. 3 more days! HOHOHOHO.
and yes, i'm feeling fat. very fat. awwwwww. and i hate the pimples. i miss the clean and clear face.. lol. it sucks feeling like that. like really .. depressing.
*
boy, you blew my mind
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:54 AM :)
15 January, 2009
have been walking home since the start of this week. (: mostly is walking home from JP? hahaha. yes, 3 out of 4 times is alone. but well, it don't matter!
yes, no deny there's this raging fear within. the incident, the incident that etched within. though it isn't anything big or whatever, but it does have an impact on me, even till now. the fear never ceased, it's just there. one doesn't means the whole world. even at the most "potential" moment, i need to know i'm protected. but yet, there's just this irritating fear. each time, i've gotta hold my breath and walk past, before i could heave a sign of relief. on and off. it don't feel good, no it don't. get even more paranoid when those scary eyes keep turning back, or rather, keep staring.
i need to be strong, it's a must. as much as i'm alone, i know i'm not alone. yes, every time at such moment, i would pick up my phone to call/ text somebody. or if not, i would alr be on the phone with someone. but i can't always do this, isn't it. not always there'll be someone for me. just like just now, i tried calling someone. but can't. (not blaming you (:, just illustrating) then i know, i need to break out of this fear. it's over. it's has been 5-6 years. it's time.
yes, people will start saying then what for walk home? ohwell, i enjoyed it each time even though there's such strong fear. especially these few days. the cool wind breeze, the company of the stars. what else can i say or do, but to slow down my pace to enjoy every moment. (:
thank You God for the beautiful starry nights.
*
the deep, strong desire within
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:12 PM :)
currently in animation class now, using hannah's lappy. feeling real sleepy and tired. waiting for Miss Jessie to be done with paula's group and it'll be me and hannah's turn. hmmmm.. yawn.
locpro today is ..... (no comment). LOL.
i'm just bored. that explains this post. lol. dodo is sleeping beside me now, hannah disturbing her. fel is eating, and joce is getting prepared to draw. LOL. yes yes, i'm retarded to post this. but i'm tired!
meeting sis.eve later. been long. kinda excited. hahaha. gonnna dig more of the truth!
photo high today. took a few photos with the girls. will upload soon, i guess? LOL.
ohhhhh! andddd, i've been drinking strawberry smoothie like everyday. totally love! as to what dodo said, we should drink as much as we can before canteen one closed. HAHAA. whatever.
NRA, dance practices have been weighing on my mind so much. thank God it's starting next mon! it's time to get on the "dancefloor". hahahahha. i'm inspired, encouraged, motivated. BLAH!
i'm thinking very hard what to blog ...
a lot of thoughts have been flooding me ever since i'm on the bus 52 to school this morning till now. lol. i dunno why. but maybe sometimes it's good to think back about the past? yeaaa, i guess so. too many thoughts untill i can barely remember what came thru my mind . -slap-
andddd. happened to see xiaobai scandal in cheers this morning! what else but a tight, warm, sweet, nice hug from her! :D as always, her hugs always make me happy. lol. and it's true that hugs do make anyone happy isn't it? (: i heard it's proven?
oh, these 3 days or so are kinda weird. i woke up even before my alarm rings. it's weird, given my "sleeping is love" attitude. and the thing is, i woke up like more den an hour earlier before my "waking up time". weird. very weird. maybe my bio clock is screwed. but still, it's weird.
i think i'll go watch Gossip Girl now. lol. ciao.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:39 PM :)
14 January, 2009
i just remembered something that i wanna blog last week and so here i am. yes, im slow, but at least i remember, within a week. hahaha.
i think it's last friday cal, van and me headed town? yea, i think so. so coincidentally, i saw my two dearest girls - cousin and scandal at the starbucks near Far East. i was just looking around and i spotted ru. (: activated eyes. hahaaa. and yeaaa, it's was really when i saw them den i realised i really miss them a lot a lot. xiao bai (scandal) is sweet, as usual. she gave me a big tight hug! :D and Ru cousin too! how nice. the hugs make me happpyyyyyyyy! like really okay, i'm not exaggerating or whatever. thanks dearests! miss miss misses lots!
oh, and yea, i got to see P and alexis. (: hahahaa. nothing much. home sweet home with van and scandal. and yes, it's the first time XiaoBai actually sent me home like that. nice cool breeze! :D thanks dear!
anyway, i'm excited. excited for new year to come. cos cos cos, i wanna change my hair colour! hahahha. freak. it's like so cheap there cannnnn. i hope it's true. hahaa. maybe 'm gonna change it to something loud? or something more guai or just nothing? hmmmmm. let me dream about it first. hahahhaa. or, any suggestion? hahahaa.
kuku just asked if i can make it for next mon kbox. yaxin is back, and all the bears are going. buttttttt, i can't. there's NRA. and by the time i reach there, it's about the time they're going home. hmmmm. :( well, there's always next time, yes i know.
the days are passing so quickly. i'm losing track of time. freak. this is bad. yes, very bad.
YiQi laogong, i miss you! i've met up with some people, but where are you?!?!?!?! but still, i'm loving you! hahahha. thanks for loving me wholeheartedly. LOL. i know my birthday wish is ridiculous, but i really wanna my first wish to come trueeeeeeee. HAHAHHAHAHAHHHAA. just kidding. :D loves!
*
if i'm weak, You're my medicine
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:02 AM :)
12 January, 2009
i've decided to keep my blog alive by a short post. been rather lazy, as always. hahahahah.
and i feel like killing someone. initially i've got something to blog about, but i just came back from my bro's room and i forgot everything. hmmmmm. STM, yes i know.
school started for a week, and i kinda enjoying it. lol. but at the same time, i'm looking forward to the good 9 weeks hols. hohohohoho. alr kinda have in mind what to do during the hols, i think? lol.
sun tanning, hanging out with lovelies, dearests and many many more, dance dance dance and many many more..
oh, yesterday is the first time i went for the driving theory lesson, i suppose. andddddd, it's so coincidental i got to know jasmine is learning at the same place too. how big can the world be man. so funny. so, DK jas and me went together lor. and i kena separated from them lor, and the two of them happily talking behind and still caused someone to kena scolded by DN. hahahahahhaha. so mean. the lesson was funny, i thought. lol. and definitely it's interesting, or rather, more interesting den locpro lecture. =/ hahahahahaha. oppppps. after that, went IMM to eat with evan too! and it's so amazing to know and realise, DK actually know jas's friends and such. and win alr lor, jas DK and van all bully me. hahahahaa. okay, whatever. guitar hero-ed at DK's house, dinner-ed with his family (weird, yes i know and totally agree), den home sweet home.
alright, something personal. i've been feeling kinda bad and irresponsible. it seemed like there's so many things i need to do, plan whatever, but i hasn't been doing them. procrastination. it's time to stop this man. yes i know. i need a slap. discipline. be responsible. its like you know what you have to do, but yet you're not doing anything, but procrastinating each day. how bad of me. no no, i'm going to stop. yes i'm. else i'll "die".
it's time. it's time to be on the right track again. it's time. stop procrastinating, R. -slap-
dinner-ed with cal and van at yuhua village. and i'm feeling so fattttt now. awwwww. ate too much. hahaha. no one can deny uh.
it's tuesday again tml! time flies. one more month to longgg hols, 5 more days to Yaxin's return (YAY!), 6 more days to MichLo's mature 18th birthday, 7 more days to dearest kuku's 20th birthday (oppps!). hahahhahaa . so many things.
i miss n_n! i miss a reunion LLL hangout!
*
You've won my heart
yes, You've won my heart
now i can
trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy,
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
I'm taking Jesus seriously.
| till death do us apart<3 | 10:19 PM :)
09 January, 2009
how can i forget about this. hahahahahaha.
i mentioned i was so sleepy during locpro yesterday right? LOL. but i saw my energizer. hahahah! i think i saw A like about 3-4 times? hohohohoho. okay, this is retarded, i know.
but but! on the way to animation class, outside CG room, we passed by each other. haha. he smiled, he waved. of course, i smiled and waved back. and know what, i BLUSHED. goodness. i'm kinda feeling hot at that moment. this is totally ... insane.
okay, i think i sound rather ... (idk what's the word) in this post. lol.
no no, i'm not desperate okay!
he's just so cute lah! hahahahhaa.
i wanna melt alr, each time our eyes locked. hahahaahhahahahahahahahahah!
PS. this post is just for laugh, for fun. hahahaah.
*
eyes are the windows to the person's soul.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:29 PM :)
more than a nice melody
more than the sweetest of words
this is the love i have found
and with this love i am found
i just want You Jesus
i just want You my Lord
i just want You Jesus
i just want You
never could i comprehend
the love you so freely give
never could i be with You
but Your love covers all of my sins
there is no greater love than Yours
nothing else could ever compare
and even if i search all the world
i could never find a love like Yours
*
" :) goodnight, God's beloved "
no one has ever end a sms with me this way.
at the moment i felt so loved.
something's stirring inside of me.
it reminded me,
no matter what happened, no matter how i'm feeling, what i'm facing, no matter anything,
i'm still,
God's beloved. (:
thanks.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:00 PM :)
alright. now, i'll blog all (maybe mostly if my stm allows) that i wanna blogged for the past few days. been lazy, but since i've got the whole day free, yeaaa.
sch started for 5 days alr. hohoho. no comments, but i love it. always love the fun with the DVFX girls. (: the crap, laughter everything. they're sucha love! they're really a blessing man.
okay, tuesday. "awesome" day. social psychology test. oh before that, many/some of you know about the retarded incident. kinda late for test alr, and we dont know where's the LT, so rush rush rush. okay, our rushing is not running, just basically panicking and brisk walking. hahahaha. and so! we saw the yellow submarine (sucha small one -.-), and there's this long stair up. so happily walking up the stairs, talking to felicia. and i dunno what's wrong (i dont think i missed a step), and i fell to my knees. ouch! i think fel was shocked? i duno. didn't wanna give much thought to that, cos test is more impt! haha. so yea, test was alright, with 3 questions blank. and according to szeting dar, my okay will be the whole paper blank. hahaa.
okay, so, me and fel was joking about it. maybe God is hinting me that my future husband won't be from engineering or aerospace, since there's where i fell down. haha. whatever.
oh oh, and it's bad! it bled, ankle pain even till down. wound swollen etc. i think i should stop complaining about all this injuries, else people's so gonna get irritated with me. haha.
but it's stil hurting til now! :( at least better den yesterday when i meet MichLo. it was so bad. oppps.
oh i definitely won't forget about my 4 dearests - fel, hannah, do and joce. they're so sweet. fel keep asking if i'm okay and things like that. do and joce was kinda shocked when they see the bleeding wound and start saying " why you never call us, we can help u bring cotton wool or something". how nice right. den, at the start of introCG, do, hannah and joce accomapany me to the toilet. this is the part that warmed my hear the most. they made me sit down on the lit of the toilet bowl. joce wet the tissue, passed to dodo. dodo helped to clean my wounds, gently, softly. hannah took another wet tissue from joce and press so hard. i screamed. hahahahhahahaaa. poor dodo and hannah gotta bear with my screaming while helping to clean my wounds. so nice right? i mean, i didn't expect them to do that, like seriously. you guys are so sweet lah! love love!
oh, anyway, tues wasn't as scary as i thought it would be.
wed 3D art. diona, cal and adrain at ourspace. hoho. oh, 3D art was fun, but slack. for the first 2 hours, i'm literally like slacking away. ohhh, no, i poked holes on my poor lil fat guy! it's so fun right, dearests? hahahah. Mr.Calvin was asking how come we get so excited about poking the holes. oh, strawberry smoothie is loveeeeee! :D joined diona they all for a while at ourspace while my lil fat man is baking. haha. went back to continue doing, and i'm so engrossed that i lost track of time. hmmm. nothing much. settled dinner at west mall, walked home to yuhua mac area with evan and cal, den head home. (:
yesterday .. nothing much. was super duper sleepy during locpro. headache is killer. doing animation final proj with hannah. we can do it! hahaha. helped out at open house for a while. met other seniors from another class (not sam's class). haha. nothing much. met michlo at jurong point, she wana get clothes, but ended up never get anything.
and today, initially morning got something on. cancelled it. lol. so yea, slacking down in my small air con room. hohohohoh.
Renee needs to stop procrastinating. :(
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:50 AM :)
08 January, 2009
because you don't speak much, it got me wondering if you're hiding things again.
tell me if i'm wrong.
when words are so hurting.
attitude and tone are killer.
i can't believe it.
it hurts.
*
God, i've got so much to thank You for. (:
| till death do us apart<3 | 8:41 PM :)
alright. i've decided to blog about it, after a few days. you said i shouldn't be restricted. so yea, here i am.
you asked if i miss you. i seriously dunno how to reply. yes i do miss you, i did. especially these few days. but i never have the urge to text u saying i miss you. i don't even know if it still matters to you. you know what. nowadays i've been thinking a lot about you. about the times we used to spend together and things like that. i remember past few days, i was texting somebody, and we come upon the topic of sending me home. and randomly, suddenly, i thought of you. i wasn't alone in the bus, but i feel like crying. yes, i miss you. i miss the old good times. i miss the times you send me home. i miss the laughter, the lameness, the crap, the joke, the sharing. i miss me bombing you with all my things and u there patiently listening to me. the times when u sent me home, my slippers broke, u forced me to wear your slippers. the times when i'm sick, and u actually scolded me for not telling you. the times when you knowing i'm sick and you deliver so many things to my house. the times when you'll force me to do something that i don't want but for my own good. the times when i'll get scoldings upon scoldings from you. i remember once, we're at IMM mac, i just keep talking and talking, and you're analyzing my words, you know what is it. i remembered once you went chalet or something, you mms me early in the morning. i remember how u used to text me everyday, mostly at night asking where m i, bugging me to go home cos it's too late or offering to send me home. i remembered each time i sad, you would suggest to buy nuggets for me and things like that. i remember how you're always there ready to care for me, listen to me. i remember how you always accompany me to places when all the others aren't available. i remember a lot of things ..
used to be so close, within a month or two, no more. now, no more topics, no more sharings, no more texting, no more calling, no more communication, no more meeting. all in all, it's like we're no longer in each other's lives. you don't know about mine, i don't know about yours. yes, recently there's once i called you, crying. but it feels different. i dunno why.
sometimes i do wonder, do you feel upset that we drifted? not a bit, but a lot. i don't know. the reason we drifted? maybe you know, maybe you don't. or maybe i know, maybe i don't.
you know even just now when we're talking online, tears just simply welled up in my eyes. i hate to feel that we're so far apart, i rather we don't say it. i hate it when the fact that we drifted is placed on the surface, cos it sucks. but wells, this is the fact.
i dunno. i dunno how it's gonna be like. i've got so much to say .. but i don't know how to say anymore..
no, i'm not blaming you, not at all. i'm just expressing how i feel.
you know who you are.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:43 AM :)
06 January, 2009
it got me thinking,
got me feeling.
it got me confused.
the contradiction.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:29 AM :)
05 January, 2009
i'm feeling kindaa..mixed feelings now?
yes, no deny throughout the day,
what's hanging on my mind,
consciously,
subconsciously is tml.
yes, the fear.
but at the same time,
i see no reason for fear.
but still,
it's there.
complex. i don't understand.
we'll see how tml.
God,
glory be to You.
again,
i need You now.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:21 PM :)
04 January, 2009
i'm scared.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:20 AM :)
02 January, 2009
been long since i last blogged. hmmmmmm. lazy and yea, whatever. ups and downs. happy, sad, angry, frustrated... i think i experienced all kind of feelings during the period i was away from blogger. lol. i'm just plain lazy.
recently, something caught me up. it got me thinking, got me missing, got me upset, got me ... i dunno. but this is not gonna bother me. maybe not as much as before.
ohhh. i love the night these two days. starry starry night. and when i look up, i know You're there with me. the stars, they comfort me. the stars they bring a smile to my face. i dunno. i'm just in love with it. thank You Daddy.
alright. i know i've got a lot to blog about. maybe next time. i'm lazy, yes, very.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:07 PM :)
