Dance In His Love ;

A series of unhappy events

17 November, 2008

even as i watched through the 27 videos, tears welled up. i dunno. i dunno how to put it. i miss dance, every single day. but yet i can't go back for now. maybe yes, i can join them for practices. but formation is alr settled, i go back also dunno where to stand. plus, i believe if i continue going for now, all the more i wouldn't bear to let go. i miss dance, like really. i'm not brave. not brave, afterall.

i'm so touched when i received fel's message. she said stacy and her miss me in dance, and alexis asked if she's lonely without me, she said yes. how sweet of them. (: sorry ney. but i watched the video. you're doing real good! really. (: i'll be there to support. love you!

yes, i might be over sensitive or whatsoever. yes, no deny i'm affected by the words, the facial expression. but maybe not so much after that. i'm kinda .. i dunno. so much so, for the moment i felt like it doesn't matter if it will come to pass. it seemed so hard to be a "good role model". i find it alright, i dunno even this is not "acceptable". i'm learning too. this has always been an issue, everyone knows that. i'm improving, i'm learning.

i think i've decided. i think i'm gonna take it off soon. why others' can be so perfectly healed but not mine. dad's not gonna spon me for this, for sure. i've got no money to get a new one. so yea. forget it. as much as i really love it..

it feels so scary walking alone through the dark lane. alone in the whole stretch of road. suddenly there'll be ppl behind. so dark that you dunno who is that. or maybe there'll be ppl in front, walking in opposite direction, again too dark to see. each time, memories of that faithful day will just come. it has been 6 years. the fear is just within.

take away the fear, Lord.

i know You're with me throughout.

i felt so weird throughout the whole day ..

For every tear i cry, You hold in Your hand

comfort me, O Lord

right here in this room

You see what's going on in my mind, my heart.

You know my desires

You know my heart cries

You feel my brokenness

Dig to the bottom, O Lord

let nothing not of You stay within me

be it unhappiness, sorrows, whatever.

flood me with Your joy

whenever i look up to You

You're always there.

| till death do us apart<3 | 12:13 AM :)