ohyea, ultimately i don't bear to just delete this blog. and since i'm planning to set up a private blog, why not just use back the same (since i like the blogskin too!), just a change of url. (:been long since i last posted. feel really weird though. haha.
This very blog will be my spiritual journey. in the sense that, whatever i blogged here will be like me talking to God. (:
yeaaa God, i do find relationships/ friendships whatever-ships tiring. i mean, many things had happened. and each time something happen, it actually bring down my confidence in establishing a (?)-ship. hrmm. i duno. but i know for sure, my love for my girls, my people never cease. Lord, i don't like it this way. i don't wanna me to stop being passionate about people. i don't wanna be tired of (?)-ships. cos they're just so important like You said so - relationships with people are vital.
yea, important aspect - emotions. this is my weakness. i know that very well. God, teach me how to take control totally of my emotions. i've got enough, and frustrated each time i just simply let emotions rule over me. because of emotions, i actually hurt myself, and worse, i've hurt people around me, most prolly the closer ones. i'm sorry. Lord, i pray that even as You put me through trails to teach me, i pray that You'll be there with me. & i know You definitely will.
Daddy, even as i'm praying for Yiqi during PM last sat. i duno why, but tears just fell. i realized i miss her presence in church soooooo much. i just couldn't forget that faithful sat (24th'o5), if it wasn't You who drawn me, if it wasn't her who keep pulling me, i wont be where i'm today. prolly i would still be somewhere out there living a messed-up life. people around have seen, how much i've changed ever since i knew You.
was i so crazy so high in the past, before i become a christine? NO.
have i ever love my family and honor them, before i become a christine? NO.
have i ever know of hope and love in my life before i know Jesus? NO.
do i ever know how to love people genuinely before i know Jesus? NO.
have i ever learn to love myself before i know Him? NO.
do i ever know what's my purpose of life before i know Him? NO.
the list goes on ...
too many differences ever since He came into my life. Praise Him. <3
and Lord, i pray for convictions of anything that's not right in her life, i really pray that You'll draw her close once again. i'm looking forward to the day where me and her can stand together to praise and worship You. (:
Daddy, You know what? i've just got tons of things to tell You. bear with me. hahahha! the next thing is regarding dance - NRA. yes Lord, You know i'm totally in love with dance. thanks for helping me get in! :D but God, i'm feeling stressed up because of dance too. yes, i wanna dance well, i really mean well. well to the extent i'm even fit enough to go out and teach others. i know i know, many are telling me too that i'm putting too high expectations on myself. i'm aware of it too. but it just come so naturally. whenever i didn't do a good job during practices, i'll be so upset with myself. awwww.
But God, i realised i really need You during my practices. i need You. i can't dance just based on myself. i need You to move my limbs, body whatever, i need You like 100%. thanks for making me realise i need You even in my own passion, and it helps with what i'm struggling with - the above mentioned (expectations). not about me, but do it for You, with You. this way, i know it's to glorify You and there's nothing to be upset about even if i didn't do a good job. and now, it's getting better. not so much of my own expectations, but relying on You. (: before NRA, i'll just pray and leave it in Your hand. and God, You're faithful, because You're always there with me. i know it, i feel it. (: thank You, Lord.
& God, i'm praying for You to provide a way regarding church camp, danzation and christmas bash. (:
another thing is small group. yea, before i backslide, i'm in charge of a small group, but i failed. and now, i'm in charge of another one. God, i wanna serve, yes i want. but somehow i just feel i dunno, i can't lead a small group. i just feel i'm not good enough.
*rebuke this thinking!* (:
God, i remember You saying, be faithful in little things and more things will be added. there's no such thing as good or not good enough. Lord, i've decided to press on. like what cal shared and reminded me of the verse : i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (: right now, i need to be faithful in prayer, QT, and continuously seeking Your directions and wisdom. (: direct me, Jesus. it's all for You, my First Love.
Lord, i'm still praying for You to show me where You want me to go. (:
ohya Daddy, i dunno why. but upon hearing about Jag (sis weiwei's cell member), it kinda become a burden in my heart. to be frank, it's the first time i'm so concern about someone i dont really know, or rather, i didnt see before. i would go to sis ww's blog to find out about him. & i never been to sis ww's blog, unless people show me. but seriously, Jag encouraged me. (:
Lord, i pray that You'll be with him through all this.
Preserve him, give him strength.
Lord, you see this faith of his, this love of his for You,
that no matter how hard it is, he wants You.
O Lord, help him. Cover him with Your unfailing love each time he needs it.
God i pray that he'll hold on tightly to You, & extra tightly when things become tougher.
O Lord, i know he's under Your wings. (:
In Jesus' name, AMEN.
God, You see my heart desire. i really want You. i want a super duper extraordinary marvelous awesome loving relationship with You. i yearn for that, Lord. i'm serious about this walk with You, Jesus.
