30 December, 2007
i'm not gonna say a second word about it.
my every-day is packed. make no difference.
i bet it doesn't matters to either side also uh.
gonna work tml. closing shift. gonna be tiring uh.
as much as all these things happened,
i still wanna be Your good testimony.
but i dunno how to go about doing it, Lord.
i feel so numb, so dead, that this matter dun seemed to be an issue to me anymore.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:55 PM :)
29 December, 2007
if you say you long ago alr don't care,
so what's the point of saying all those things this morning?
is this your way to share your concern?
then thanks man. i don't need it.
i no need anyone to know. so no need to ask.
if you don't wanna care, so be it.
i won't beg you to care or anything.
wad kinda crap is that?
drag me from my sleep, just to clarify things when im having that damn headache.
so what if i told you? would you know, would you do something to make me feel better?
wad u do is only scold and scold.
HELLO, im alr sad enough, affected enough can.
and all you do is scold? wad a way to CONSOLE ppl UH.
then i might as well you don't do anything.
i don't give it a damn.
don't i even have the right to be sad or anything?
does it even matters about age? so now you see why i never wanna tell you anything?
would you make an effort to understand, to console other than scold?
no. never. its okay. i'll never say a word again.
dunno how come have a feeling of "dunno how to face everything",
when i dun even know what do i have to face.
stayed in whole day, didnt go work.
dun feel like getting anywhere,
dun feel like talking,
dun feel like doing anything.
i hate it when crying like i lost myself.
i hate it when the ugliest side of me is shown everywhere.
i hate it when sadness&anger got the better of me.
i hate it when i said those words and did the things that i shouldn't.
it's because every single of that is so precious. but they dropped on the floor. one is broken.
| till death do us apart<3 | 12:02 PM :)
27 December, 2007
okay. back to update this blog. hah. can't remember alot of things alr. so .. just blogged whatever i remember luh! hah.
few days back ...
24/12. christmas eve.
went out with calista, diona, Mrchua, jeremy, kokleong, adrian, jonathan. initially wanna watch movie. but the time is not right. so yep, we headed to vivo to find lam. slacked around, and we went to orchard tower. so reluctant to go to work la. alot were like saying dun wanna, den dun go lo. but den, felt kinda bad. and the gek part is, when i reached there, derrick said my name is not in the schedule. -.- & they said since im there, i work. rahs! joshua was kinda drunk, and all sort of words just came out from his mouth. lalas.
stood there for 4 hours, without selling out a single thing. haha. sad uh. the place is filled with pubs, clubs and all sort of undecent stuffs la. abit scary, but its still okay. hah. mrchua ran over to fetch me after work. alot alot of people squeezing here and there. went to orchard station to meet calista & the guys, & eddy that clique. met hiroki, kenneth and junwen too.
& along taka there, its so superrr crowded can. wad an experience sia. no way m i going to try that again next year and for the following years. though the spraying of foam is kinda fun. haha. but its so yucky luh! sticky.
went to jurong east mac after everything. szeting, jingwen and beechin came over after that. sze ting gave me a card. ^^ so touched luh, the content. yes yes, im honoured to be ur first wife. (((: hahaa. and since so long you called me dardar can. crapped and joked. went over to my house mac there, leaving only me, st, mrchua, kok, jeremy. ate at the coffee shop. talked awhile and went home to sleep at 8am, 25/12
evan darl came over in the morning to give presents. haha. chocolate cookies! YUMMY! & the beautiful, sweet bracelet. (((: LOVES. ohya, i kinda at home the whole day during christmas. haha. weird uh. nvm. sleep and sleep. hah. sleeping is love. ((: went over to kelly's house at ard 9pm plus. xiao bai, deanna were there too. talked a while and home again. everyone was sick. =(
so its today now.
went for zara interview with evan and calista. (((: and immediately we got the job. working at different location with them, but hrmm, its okay la. ((: still kinda near each other. haha. jiayous alright, girles? met up with kelly and kuku after the interview. shopped for the work thingy. took quite some time. and yes, we got everything. ((: thanks so much, dears. went cu to eat with weiru biao ge also. (: sze ting dar came to pass me something. and you know wad, its a/two ring! haha. she's so sweet luh! didnt expect her to really go get it. stunned but very thankful and appreciate. (: thanks so much, its nice! LOVES.
tml three of us are starting work. and its the first day of sales. wad a nice timing to start work on the first day right. haha. God, we need You to be with us. its gonna be messy, its gonna be stress, but all we need is You. ((:
kuku bought me a purple handphone accessory for me from genting. ((: with both my name on a rice. haha. thanks so much! i wun break it de la. LOVES.
thank you guys for the cards and presents, wishings, everything. (: appreciated it so much. ((((:
going to do own things alr. hah. important one. if not i gonna get scolded alr. HOR, EVAN? hahaha. you know where to go. (((:
did i like miss out anything that i should blog? hrmm ..
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:34 PM :)
24 December, 2007
alright. yesterday was christmas bash.
for the whole day, something inside seemed to be feeling weird. unexplainable. kinda bugging and bugging throughout the day.
christmas bash was overwhelming. alot alot of ppl. ((((:
performances everything was awesome. hah. praise and worship was kinda short though. but over all, its cool!
tears of joy just kept flowing. unexplainable joy and happiness. go around telling everyone! don't blame me uh. you know im over the moon! haha. people sharing the same joy about it. im like tearing and crying as i tell each person. PRAISE BE TO GOD! alright. ppl who know what happened, know. ((:
heaven rejoiced! angels dancing around at that moment. people coming to know Christ. awesome awesome AWESOME! how great is our God? PRAISE THE LORD!
| till death do us apart<3 | 8:22 AM :)
19 December, 2007
alright. prom night on monday. (((: nothing much. simple bah. the food is nice. i missed the cheese potato thingy. hahaha.
photos updated. not everything uh. some outta those i've got on hand now. (((:
on the cab, without make-up yet. (:
at Marina Mandarin Hotel. (:
at Singapore river. (((:
haha. i know this particular last photo look so unglam. but its alright uh. lolls. im the one taking the pic, so im not in there. haha. love my girls to bits and pieces. (((: pretty pretty ladies!
take photos with very little ppl as you can see. only with the few of my girls. i don't have the photos of me with lydia, me with atiqa and me with my beloved brother. (((: didn't managed to take photo with MrChua that gang of guys at the hotel. =( lalas.
early morning went to church camp with yiqi. was superrr tired. service was good. (((: sermon short yet powerful. hah. gotta be back tml and thurs again. fri got work and sat is christmas bash!! seriously hope the girls can come. ((:
kuku, kelly, xiaobai, emily, qizhen, yaxin, ping leh and janet went to genting alr. (((: enjoy uh! bring something back hor, though i know you guys cant see this. hahaha. loves&misses!
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:59 PM :)
16 December, 2007
so what if i don't have a sense of belonging in any where.
so what if i can't get all that i yearn for.
so what if i cant revive all the times i miss.
what don't belong to me, wouldn't be mine.
as much as i miss all those fun&laughters&highness,
as much as im so afraid of boredom,
i gotta be independent.
i need to take control of emotions.
so many things that ran through my mind just now.
all different.
nevertheless, tears fell.
haha.
yes, i missed those times alot.
tears fell each time i think about it.
it gonna be different this year. kinda incomplete?
i will press on, never never give up.
till my very last breath, if required.
im seriously determined this time,
no matter how hard it will be.
i will, definitely will.
mark my very own words.
i will fast and pray.
i will give my all.
i will do everything,
just to see the day approaching.
by faith, i know it will come,
very soon. (:
if im the one causing the fall,
i pray i will also be the one encouraging,
be the one letting God to use and draw back again.
i will take up my responsibilities,
my household & my very loved ones.
whoever it may be.
lifting every single one into Your loving hands.
God, You take control.
i don't wanna keep minding how people are thinking.
God, You know my heart. that's all matters.
let me be the one, Lord.
here i am surrender my whole to You.
if You would use anything,
won't You use me.
take me and break me.
mould me and make me.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:07 PM :)
14 December, 2007
dance chalet is kinda alright. (((: i simply love the place. its exactly the same place as 2C chalet is. alot of flashbacks and memories. haha. heartwarming indeed. amazing race is still ok, but kinda tired. i enjoy drawing on xinying's face. haha. sorry uh. didnt take any pictures in fact, only for that few and i don't have them on hand. so yep. no pictures. hah.
left chalet on the second night. darl come over to slp. initially darl gotta go work, but she's too tired uh. & u felt so bad ps her for the work. mum dun wanna me to work that. sorry, darl. she gonna be so sian, yes i know. msg me during work alright. (: if really can't take it, don't work la. we can always find another job. (((:
hopefully places like zara, etc will want us. haha.
darl went home in the afternoon. went to met calista, after that mrchua, jeremy, kokleong at marina. ate pizza hut and went far east. lam came after that and hang around. nothing much. simply, yet crappy day. haha. thanks for the sweet uh, mrchua. (((:
so many ppl i haven seen. =( ppl like my dearest ah ma, diona ; NICOLEdeardear and many many more.
im tired alr. haha.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:21 PM :)
11 December, 2007
& this simply shows how persistent the devil is, and im not gonna give in.
no matter how hard you tried to break my family apart, i know God will still hold this family together.
-"Great dancers are not great just beacause of their technique; they are great because of their passion."
darl, thanks so much for this. really encouraged me. ((((: where do you find it? hah. LOVES.
gonna have a try-out work for about three days this week. hopefully me and darl can get in. (((: God, help us. give us the voice, the words and the wisdom!
tml's dance chalet too. going down after work. (((: have fun, people!
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:38 PM :)
10 December, 2007
went out with my girls - calista, karen and michelle ng. (((((: plesant day spent with them. cineleisure first. ate our lunch and headed to far east. everyone of us bought something uh. haha. michelle bought a red tube shirt, calista bought a white cool shirt, karen bought shorts and i bought my prom heels ((((:
3 1/2 inches tall. lolls. i stil dunno how to walk with it. gonna practice within this one week, pray hard i wouldn't sprain my leg. michelle and the girls are like laughing at me, at the way i walk. lolls. i never wear this kinda heels before ok.
wanted so much to join O school for dance. but dad just isn't supportive. superr disappointed. tml got the work thing. wonder how will i perform. argh. alot of things weighing on my mind now. i dunno. a few things kinda get my mood down just when i came back home.
but nevertheless, 2 things that really encouraged me greatly. yiqi and karen. ((((: yes, God is really working in the hearts of the fallen aways. the stirring in the hearts. ((: both are coming for Y.I camp this year, by faith. (((: so cool. awesome! God, draw them closer to You! surround them in Your unfailing love, hide them under Your wings. (: be with them! hahaha.
and this is how powerful You are.
Hosanna in the highest.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:09 PM :)
09 December, 2007
just back from work, not long ago. (((:
met yiqi laogong early morning and headed to plaza sing to return xiaobai something. haha. went back to west mall to meet calista for lunch before going church. yep, yiqi joined us for cell today! karen last min didnt come. but its alright. NEXT WEEK, GIRLS! haha. combined service today, but me and yiqi couldn't go due to work.
met karen meimei and evan darldarl at beauty world there to eat. took train and off to work. haha. ohya, before i forgot. wearing the heineken shirt, im total white! haha. shirt white, jeans white, shoes white! haha. PURITY!
worked at orchard plaza. alot of ppl luh! nothing much. first day of work, quite a few experiences. ((: firstly is this indian middle-aged man. okay, he's weird. dun wanna elaboration. then is this 3 guys wanting to steal something from the shop. but i knew it! haha. thirdly is again another funny middle-aged man. and fourthly, there's this superr sweet boyfriend, knowing that his gf loves fruitstip, he bought more than 10 for her! haha. like a bunch of sweets la. very exaggerating yet sweet! haha. was kinda quite frustrated at the ending. alot of ppl, den i cant get the receipts that i wanted and blah blah. but everything was still okay in the end, hopefully? lolls.
took train home. darl went mac to buy things to eat. she was hungry. haha. MrChua sent me home. ((: thanks. yiqi's and karen's sales are better den mine and evan's, even tho we worked at orchard area. haha. funny uh. nvm. next week gonna work at some ulu place? =( haha. nvm. hopefully the sales will still be good. ((:
ohya, its really a joyful thing to hear how God actually help us and be with us even though we're working. ((: HOR, yiqi lao gong? hahah. our God is an awesome God ehh? PRAISE HIM! hah. thank You, Jesus!
alright. tired. going out again tml, supposingly. ((: off i go. bye people!
| till death do us apart<3 | 6:01 PM :)
08 December, 2007
mummy is off to malaysia. will be back on monday. know what, i miss her. =X haha. first time im saying this. lolls.
real tired today, dunno why. walked alot. tml gonna start working. & i seriously hope time will pass FAST. haha. if not i think i will be bored? lolls.
ohya, there's a test by MrHeng on mon. im scare can. lolls. dunno how to meet the expectations or requirements? haha.
God, be with me. ((:
these few days kinda not smooth? fear and everything come upon me. and times× again i felt like the devil is taking control of me. as much as i know myself, i've lost myself. its scary. it really was.
i dunno what's wrong. neither do i understand what's going on. its different, everyone knows. but still, let time be the medicine. no point asking, cos i don't get an answer. so yep, i dunno what to do alr.
many things i've learnt not to take too personally. i mean, i don't wanna let emotions get the better of me always. dun wanna be so easily affected by stuffs. i will do what i can, the rest, God im lifting them up to You. i don't wanna be drained by stuffs and lost my directions. God, i need You here.
show me Your face, O Lord.
make my heart pure as gold.
standing in awe of You
Your love it surrounds me forever.
i belong to God and God alone. not you, devil. im not in your clutches, but in my Daddy's love. get out of my life, in Jesus' name.
I found myself in You alone, Lord.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:24 PM :)
05 December, 2007
out to watch tatooist with evan, yiqi and karen. nothing much of this show, only abit gruesome ba. headed to toa payoh for the job briefing. kinda long. hrmm, hopefully can get the good place ba. michelle and calista is back. ((((: surprised michelle with the birthday cake and the peeps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIRL. ((: ya la, you're the queen of the day luh. haha
as i look forward to the days approaching, i feel so sian. nothing for me to look forward to. no activities, nothing. sick of going out and stuffs. its like perhaps only pure working-to-be, home, church. nothing alr.
im missing the real fun, serious. sighs. i feel so much like going overseas for long. but i doubt so. not overseas for these long holidays. emotions are welling up again. can you imagine, i even feel like crying? rahs.
i miss studying alot. i need something to really get me occupied. as i heard of certain things, emotions just go all the way cock up.
i need something to occupied me. even NOW.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:53 PM :)
03 December, 2007
short update about the recent happenings.
went town with darldarl, dardar and mummy to buy prom dresses. yep, everyone of us got it. (((: grace and szeting are just so okay with everything luh. haha. so nice. now left heels and accessories. hoping to get them soon, with enough cash. haha. ohya, i FINALLY found the star belt chain. (((((((: like finally.
cant recall much alr.
ohya, yiqi lao gong came to church yesterday. (((: im happy. next week, yiqi laogong, karen mei mei and jing wei will be coming too! YAYS! i will be expecting them. haha. (((:
darldarl dyed and highlighted her hair. nice nice. ((: you look beautiful, baby. and the treatment had really make her hair so soft and nice. haha. LOVES!
re-coloured my hair today. lol. dun wanna so bright. hah. but now seemed like black colour. supposingly, it will fade and so the two different tone of brown will be seen after a few wash. but i can only wash my hair on tues due to the treatment! hah. im not gonna perspire meanwhile. (((:
im seriously hoping to find a admin/data entry job. (((: with darldarl, of cos. hah. God, help us!
ohya, had a nice, night talk with karen and yiqi at my place. (((: with the drinks of cos. haha. talked about sooo many things that happened and all the feelings and such. i love this kinda talk, girls. we gonna have more of these times alright? love you guys! yiqi lao gong stayed over at my place, talked more and we fell aslp. she went home in the early morning today.
went to the band concert today with darldarl, dardar, baohui girlfriend, lao gong and xinying. nothing much. headed to jp for dinner after that. &yes, i miss mcspicy luh! but cant eat due to throat. i've fallen sick. =( bad cough&sore throat. rahs! im hating it!
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:32 PM :)
