30 November, 2007
i wanna a job! hah. im tired of this kinda bored days. &i really do miss school times, studying and stuff. finally know how to appreciate the "pia-ing period" for Os. lolls.
yesterday went out with my lao gong, girlfriend and darl. (((: headed to town to find prom dresses and stuff. went marina, suntec and far east. baohui bought alr. ohya, darldarl look superrrrrrrrr HOT, in one of the dresses!! its the design that i eyed on a actress tt time. gosh. she's really gorgeous luh! haha. hot baby hot! went to one of the shop, darl said i look nice in one of the dresses. to me, its really simple and plain luh. but she says its nice. ((((:
headed to bugis with darl den home sweet home.
morning met darldarl to go job agency. coincidentally met her bmt coach on the bus. first time had this kinda chat with him. haha. no bad luh. went to fill up the form and im off the meet NICOLEdeardear. (((: headed to town again, in continue to find prom dresses. alright. deardear says i look class in the dress that darl said im nice in. think ultimately, im gng to get that. (((: but still, i find it just okay. hah. nvm. i also dunno wad else to get. deardear's dressing gonna be cool and special. haha. if i know of that earlier, i think i will get that too luh! lolls.
back home early today. have been having headache since this afternoon. later i gonna have a big cleaning up of my room! throwing of books, packing of clothes and everything. ((((:
off to slack for a while more.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:02 AM :)
28 November, 2007
first thing first.
i wanna give big thanks to:
my dearest kuku, the cute&helpful xiaobai, the pretty&sweet deanna and last but not least, my fabulous&coolest darldarl. (((:
they helped me with the cards. all are like so tired alr, but they still came over. and all reached ard 9pm-10pm plus and left v late. i felt so bad luh, serious. but i really appreciate and thankful for them! LOVES! ((:
michelle and calista went for mission trip today. rushed over to airport with baby and darl. but still, we're about a min late due to some reasonable delay. sighs. passed the stuff to their area leader, andy. at least they managed to get it. thank God still. i was like praying throughout the journey. cried, uncontrollably. heart sank, mood down all the way. didn't feel like talking or anything. not angry, not pissed nothing, only disappointment and sadness. pardon me if either one of you or both felt tt i've given attitude. i didn't know, serious and don't mean it. it's unintentionally. just down. initially was really hoping can see them, have a short chat, pass the things to them personally and a hug before they left. but .. lala. nvm. wad's over is over.
will be awaiting for you girls' return! ((:
rot at jurong east interchange. emily came. went with her to take photo and blah blah.
went jurong point to watch movie with darldarl. enchanted. yep. its nice, sweet and everything. (: went espirit and headed home.
i don't feel good with all my emotions mixing up so easily this few weeks either. overcoming my weakness is what i ought to do. control it, break it. i will, one day.
darl, still i think i must apologise. sorry.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:30 PM :)
26 November, 2007
give me wisdom as to how to get the things done, O Lord.
i'm total lost even on how to start.
in such a short time, i still wanna get it nicely done, God.
help me. i need You, Jesus.
i can't stand getting pissed so easily nowadays.
take control of my emotions, Lord.
give me the patience,
teach me how to love like You love me.
i simply love sun-tanning, alright. but provided i did really get tanned, and best is without sunburn. haha. but.. hrmm.. that's like so difficult ehh? lols.
im seriously looking forward to the sentosa and pula ubin trip with the girls? perhaps that can be a chance to tan too. lolls.
im having big appetite nowadays. and i dunno why. haha. suddenly got the urge to eat the sweet from candy empire. long long with little candies on it. haha. its nice alright. ohya, i miss peppermint green tea too. &&& POPIAH! haha. darldarl u know what i mean. lolls. (((((:
ohya, was telling darl that i miss school now. dun be surprise that i actually say that. hah. i miss sitting in class, listening and crapping with my two marvellous partners, jonathan & lydia. lolls. but like what MrChia said, some nice memories are meant to be kept. ((:
i know blog has been rather bored uh. hah. cos im bored too. rahs!
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:10 PM :)
25 November, 2007
God, im left with nothing of myself now.
i cant see what's good of me.
i dunno how to pick up from there, Lord.
show me, O God.
tell me exactly how beautiful im in Your eyes.
wipe away every single tear from my eyes
hold me in Your arms,
hide me under Your wings.
Lord, i need Your love, Your touch to fall upon me.
i need You, desperately.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:59 PM :)
23 November, 2007
just back from michNg's sister, Melissa's birthday celebration. alright, i was kinda stunned when i reached her doorstep. i didnt expect so many ppl, when mich only told me there's michLo. hah.
&&& like what i told michelleS, i felt im like the bad girl there, with the only coloured hair. hah. BUT BUT BUT, michNg's dad say IT'S NICE! hah. so that definitely makes me feel better. (((:
thanks for the food and everything, girl. (: appreciated.
somehow i felt i shouldn't talk to anyone for the moment. kinda, not feeling really good or right? hmm. i don't know. alright, another situation to learn how to control my emotions.
yep. tml going out. seriously, i think i ought to get some clothes. argh. im like always wearing the same old thing luh. sian right. lol.
&i dunno why im like so sian right now. rahs!
Lord, take control of my emotions.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:18 PM :)
22 November, 2007
another day had passed just like that.
met MrChua and NICOLEdeardear at mos today. ohya, before that, MrChua waited for me for quite some time. hah. im sorry. back to story, we headed to bugis for AJISEN! hah. like finally man. lol. was so FULL~~ went to orchard and deardear bought a bag. hah. nothing much actually.
went clementi mac to have dinner with sze ting dardar. (((: ohya, had a short chat with bao ge. hah. not bad luh. but well, im not gonna give up my dream luh. haha. i can't walk on the bridge uh. lol. i will fall. but but but, if i can, i will definitely go. hahaha.
kinda miss yiqi lao gong. so contacted her. &its like so hard can. haha. nvm. to cut the story short, me and dardar went to meet her & bf at jurong east entertainment. i was kinda crazy and high i admit, but i know i got to uh. haha. pardon me uh. but i enjoyed being with you guys luh! always! heh. (((:
after that, some weird things happened. dun wanna elaborate luh. hah. dardar knows, i know, darldarl knows. haha. ((((: its freaky! hah.
im not alone tonight! hahahahh.
im leaving her up into Your loving hands, O Lord.
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:46 PM :)
21 November, 2007
i miss sun-tanning, serious. hah. when will i be able to go sentosa uh? haha.
nothing much recently i think? unable to recall the recent happenings alr.
hrmm. got to know something which i never will know if im not being told. its kinda so confidential. sighs. it's heart-breaking to hear that. but press on, you-know-who-you are. (((: smile, cos i care. you're never alone. no worries on troubles or anything. i rather i know.
just a random post, perhaps.
dun wanna my blog to be dead. hah.
in Your freedom i will live
in Your freedom i will live
i offer devotion
i offer devotion
i love You, Lord.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:28 PM :)
18 November, 2007
its feeling so awful within.
im left to survive on my own.
the words that i said is killing myself.
i dun feel good each time saying
sorry and begging.
things seemed to be getting the wrong way,
no matter how hard i tried.
my bad.
im feel so lowly of myself.
so many negative feelings of myself.
im feeling so bad.
i need a shoulder,
a hug, embrace,
where is it?
i need some words that will smoothe my heart.
crashed.
teach me how to express everything im feeling right now out.
i cant breathe with all these burning deep within.
i need a helping hand.
not going anywhere.
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:01 AM :)
17 November, 2007
im poor at giving people surprises, yes kuku i admit.
but well, the smile is worth everything uh. hah.
i've fallen tonight so hard that i cant get up.
some sort of as similar as that particular day.
yes, im wrong. im sorry. millions of it.
but words keep piercing me through, every moment.
i dunno. every single sentence seemed to be piercing me through.
it's not easy to say a "sorry",
and each time i said it, it feels so terrible inside. its never easy.
walked away, never look back,
walked away, never hold on.
words that never like to be heard are said right at my face.
so many so many of them,
how m i supposed to take it?
& im feeling so useless, worthless everything.
im feeling so bad, terrible, awful everything.
tell me if that's really what's of me you're thinking.
im saying things that are the opposite.
i felt no trust at all.
tell me its ain't true.
every sentence seemed to be putting me down.
every single one.
dun make me sound so bad.
i cant breathe being loaded with all the wrongs.
im sorry.
im crashed. i feel like dying.
i repeat, i feel like dying.
certain one two three sentences, they killed me swiftly.
to the extend of i needa beg?
gotta ask and hint?
how much it actually hurts.
i dunno how im going to get through this.
everyone's sleeping, im feeling so terrible.
every single word from that day and today keep ringing and ringing.
i cant hold on any longer. feeling so dead.
i wish so much to hear all that once again,
but i doubt i can alr.
so much to say,
yet i got no strength to type anymore.
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:46 PM :)
16 November, 2007
alright. after so much of delaying im back to blog. hahaha. &yes, im back from 4e4 chalet! (((:
the only person i took pic with. haha. my shifu. ((:
initially gonna take a photo with the birthday girl, xiao bai. but didnt in the end. =(
chalet was alright. (((: i had fun with the people. haha. got the urge to blog about every little things about chalet, but i dun think i'll be able to remember everything? haha. nvm. its just nice.
MrChia, MissKho, Mr Lee & Mr Ng came for bbq yesterday. craps and craps. & MrChia is indeed cheeky uh. hah. but its seriously nice, fun, relaxing to talk to him! ((((: ohya, he help me with one otah, to prove that he's unbiased. hahahahaha. rahs! \
sea breeze is nice and cooling alright. for both morning we're by the beach. hah. and a few hours spent at the jetty there. (((: peacefulness, cool air and everything. ((:
left superr early with MrChua after bathing today. cant control the tiredness and was like sleeping throughout the whole journey home. hah. total knock out when i reach home. only a few is left at the chalet now. & guess what, im missing the chalet and the people. rahs.
i didnt have the chance to get real crazy. partially too tired? sadded. haha.
ohya, thousand of apologies to darl. total knock out that i didnt turn off the silent mode. hah. sorry for making you wait for so long uh. 14 calls, 3 messages. sorry.
& yea, i do miss you alot luh! hah. ((:
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:37 AM :)
13 November, 2007
O's finally down. (((: different feeling, definitely.
headed to two way after paper. yep. i sat there for about 3 hours. rahs! the colour didnt turn out to be the one i wanted, & its much brighter den i expect it to be. lalas. but darl and the gang says its not bad. heh. (((:
anyway, i seriously think its bright uh. hah. wonder how will it be like when class peeps see me tml. hah.
went kbox. for a moment things screwed up again. tears fell and stuff. but yep, things went back normal after quite a while. deanna and xiao bai are cute luh! haha. the gang are fun-loving. (((: had always enjoyed being with them. nice singers there. haha.
gng for chalet tml alr. gonna be away like untill thurs or fri. hrmm. abit bu she de sia. haha. i dunno why also.
anyway, i gonna miss you guys! you know who you are. ((:
and yep, darl is for sure. dun emo alright? always a msg away. (((:
gonna pack my stuffs and off to bed. im dead tired. hah.
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:43 PM :)
today's gonna be the last day of Os. HOORAYS! hah. finally, it's ending in 6plus hours time. (((((:
chemistry paper 1, physics paper 1. yuppy! everything gonna be done! haha.
gonna get my hair coloured str after paper. darl dun wanna miss out too much on kbox, neither do i. nice nice miss calista is going to accompany me too! (((((: i mean, sit there wait for me la! haha.
ohya, gng to kbox to celebrate xiaobai's birthday! whee~
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY, XIAO BAI! (((: LOVES.
tml's chalet alr. so fast can. lalas. gonna miss my bed for the continuous 2 or 3 nights, miss my computer, air con, tv, etc. haha.
&yea, darl im gonna miss you too!
going back to study my chemistry. haha. will be back in the night after kbox before MIA for the next 3 days. ((((:
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:10 AM :)
10 November, 2007
save me from this pool of emotions, O Lord.
im drawing strength from You on my knees.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:58 PM :)
08 November, 2007
i miss my bed. haha.
stayed over at darl's house last night. alright, everything still okay. (((: maybe more of these kinda times after Os? hahahaa.
sudden urge to cut hair. hah. so texted calista darling. alright, went to shirley mah. coincidentally saw MrChua & lam. lam also wanna cut hair. haha. can i say now calista with her new hairstyle gave ppl a very different feeling? lolls. i think she look pretty good. haha. ohya, i was so tempted by her to cut short uh. she's like psycho'g me luh. lolls. after prom, girl. haha.
went to play basketball with darl, calista, MrChua, Lam, Jeremy, Kokleong, Adrian. didnt play much until the end. haha. went JP for dinner, leaving me, calista, mrchua, lam and jeremy only. nothing much. stomachache has been killing me for the whole day. felt so much like vomiting after the meal. rah! headed home. ((((:
first time alone on the bus with jeremy and lam. haha. nice peeps luh. can talk and crap. ((:
yes ah gong, no need regrets. at least at the end of the time, all get to know each other better and become close. (((: i will keep "it" well.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:45 PM :)
06 November, 2007
i've learnt a lesson. hah.
trust in the Lord, and not based on my own understanding.
have faith, trust in the inner voice and not depending on drawing lots.
hahahaha.
alright. but still, God showed up today. still, He brought me throught the social studies paper today.
thanks Jesus.
met with calista and nicole to go queensway. finally managed to get hold of our jerseys. YAYNESS! (((: headed to wheelock to collect deardear's handphone and had dinner at NYDC. walked to far east, then to heeren and to the MRT station.
calista and me went over to darl's place to pass her the jersey. talked a while before heading home.
today's topic is all about dying/highlighting of hair, cutting of hair, buying of this and that and blah blah. lolls.
nothing much uh. im tired definitely.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:39 PM :)
04 November, 2007
back from church. once again, awesome? like what i say, church is different and special every week. ((:
cell group was nice today. ((: gideon shared about John 3:1-16. talking about born again and stuff. yep, learnt new things of cos. surprisingly, it seemed like the Holy Spirit prompted me to share about how i got the name, renee, the meaning etc to the cell. can i say im like shocked and scared? hah. the prompting is strong, i must say. but its the first time i initiated to wanting to share like that? no courage, nothing at all at first. but remember, obedience. (((: so yep. i told gid i got something to share, started sharing smoothly and the fear went off straight away. ((:
thank God for the name!
i realised it's when i shared with others about my own testimonies, i get encouraged, and more assured too. ((:
watch a show for service. "Facing the giants". its a nice, pleasant, POWERFUL show i must say. the moment it started showing, tears were in my eyes alr. same throughout the whole show. gonna find the VCD and lend people. ((: God's tangible presence just fall even when watching the show. He spoke alot through the show, that i cant get in time to "swallow" everything. hah. gotta sit down and slowly write them down. ((: it's awesome alright?
Jesus, You're amazingly beautiful. <3
2 more days needed to go to school. hooray! press on people! ((:
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:51 PM :)
01 November, 2007
met NICOLEdeardear for breakfast today at 645am. hah. needa pass darl the chinese dict. lalas.
went home to sleep after that. hah.
met baby first, den darl came to CU after that for lunch. headed to physics tution. (: i was kinda awake today, and of cos, slightly more attentive. haha.
went to find MrHeng to pay tution fees. i didnt know he's waiting for us at the bus stop. hah. purple colour uh? lol. and i got so many blue colours back. haha. feel very unsafe uh. hah. did i mention MrHeng is soooooooo CUTEEEEEE? hahaa. gosh. even evan also agree luh. i like and was very encouraged by his last few words for me before i left. (((((((((: "GAMBETE!", with the hand action! hahaha. he's sooo nice luh! haha. &he said we gonna meet up for meals after Os. HOORAY! haha. ohya, he's kinda lame on msn tho. but fun! (((:
i don't deny. certain words when come to remembrance will stil hurt as much ..
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:56 PM :)
