Dance In His Love ;

18 October, 2007

i tried to be strong. i tried to be okay.
i managed to, but i failed again.

managed to stay up whole night to finish up my chemistry notes. that's something that i guess i can be proud of myself at least. headed to school straight away. polish up the last bit. nothing much. my head is feeling heavy, due to the lack of sleep perhaps.

the whole night of work,
give me the sense of satisfaction.
but what's worrying and fearing,
is how the fruit of the hard work will be like.
im afraid it will all be in vain.

perhaps it's exam period and everyone's feeling stressed up and everything. people getting so affected by things and so worn out. people feeling like breaking down and tears are so often. people tried very hard to buck up, hoping things will work out. people hanging on and on, never letting go, trying to be okay. but tears are still the one right in front.

getting tired, feeling frustrated is so common.
thing seemed to be falling down right at this crucial period.
getting tired of oneself, getting tired of things around.
feels like dying, feels like running away.
but days still gotta go on, helplessly.

have you ever feel that you tried so hard to cheer people around up and yet you realised you can't do much? have you ever try to give in your best, show your love&concern, say and do things, yet you're asked to get tired and be tired? have you ever feel so useless, but yet you don't wanna just give up? have you ever feel so rejected, but you stil wanna be the one there, lending shoulder, lending a listening ear?
yes, it's obvious im not okay. i dunno what's wrong with me. feelings suddenly so cock up. feeling so stressed up with chemistry once again. O's just a few days away and people around wasn't okay recently. it does break me to see them sad. i wanna do something, say something but i felt that my words, my actions are all so useless, worthless. i tried to show my love&concern yet things could not stay in place for long. im never tired and dun wanna be tired, cos i wanna be the one pulling you up and making your geniune smile surfaced again. im feeling so rejected now. but im telling you, im not giving up, till the day i know very well you're perfectly okay with a geniune smile. i'll still press on. even if it's hard, i will. even when words pierce through, i'll take it up and swallow it. cos i know everything will be worth it to see the mask tear down, and geniune smile appearing on each of your faces again.

i expected an unneccessary expectation which bought myself own disappointment.
im scare of hurting others & hurting myself. serious.

God, would You just teach me how?

| till death do us apart<3 | 5:34 AM :)