05 August, 2007
wad a dream last night. everything seemed so close. it got me waken from my lalaland. gosh, i think i almost cry out. it felt so real, so scary. the feeling is so strong. i cried in my dream i rmb, in reality i dun rmb if haf or not. haha.
ohwells, no more this kinda dream to scare me. please no. tell me it never gonna come true.
and oh ya, i should say i never wanna anyhow say anything alr. least someone say i gonna haf similar dream the night again. hahahaha!
summary of the past few days.
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its not about anything. its about that damn feeling being so overwhelming. its about every mention of that similar things, situation or whatever, im reminded of that feeling. i dun want it either. but i dunno why. i dun wanna be selfish. i dun wanna control. i dun wanna be demanding. i want none of this.
i seemed to lost myself. i want myself back. "I" seemed so far away. seemed like losing whatever i used to "possessed". hanging by the edge, can't carry on.
i've finally decided to go prom. lolls. just the day when im adsent from school, and my qiqi lao gong msged me to ask me go. its sucha miracle that i actually agree. lolls.
met mr ng on thurs. talked to me for a good one hour plus. alright, spiritual stuffs. i do admit God spoke thru him alot. i could feel it as if God is speaking directly to me. im touched, no deny. tears almost fall. strong, powerful, i must say. dunno how to say, shan't elaborate too much then. thanks mr ng anyway. and most importantly, thanks Jesus, for the words, for the love and for everything.
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was kinda irritated jus now. got the feeling of my privacy was being invaded. am controlling my pissness and everything strongly. gosh, i cant believe i didnt scolded. alright, they're kids. nvm. also, i bet some ppl ought to think before they speak. argh. okay okay, breathe in breathe out. relax, its alright. nvm.
none of the days in the week am i looking forward to. supposingly should be weekends. but not really anymore, so much of the work and where has the relaxation and fun gone? i mean, i jus need a true feeling of happiness and enjoyment at the end of each week tt's all. but its seemed so difficult with all the craps.
im starting to miss alot once again. i miss alot of places, eg. clarke quay. i miss dancing big time. i miss the feeling of sweating alot. i miss swimming and alot more. i miss the night breeze. i miss hanging out til late night. i miss the fun, enjoyment, craziness, laughters. i miss the many days staying out late. i miss the staying over at your house. i miss the people. i miss the peaceful and nice times. i miss beaches. i miss sun-tanning. i miss guitaring. i miss the sitting around, talking. i miss the crappings. i miss the emoing. i miss the heart to heart sharing. i miss the not-so-packed-with-work time.
im jus missing so much more.
im so easily tired before the end of each day. oh gosh.
and now, yes, im tired alr.
You showed me that Your love has never die on me.
<3
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:32 PM :)
