30 August, 2007
im back to blog. lolls. so many days. though got use com, but didnt blog. lalas. got tons of things to blog about, but i can't remember all ah. duh.
alright. interesting yet tiring day - 26aug07
was out alr at about 345AM. tt's really EARLY right. haha. you bet. didnt sleep a single wink the night, and off to meet cheng yong and darren. main motive - go eat breakfast. HAHA! duh. okays, i know they waited very long for me. haha. i got difficulties okays. initially wanted to go prata shop, thinking its 24hours. but know what, halfway there, darren attracted a kitten, a scary and clingy one. haha. imagine a kitten, so small, suddenly just run pass you without you knowing, and you almost step on it? gosh. not one time or two, its alot of times. the kitten is like so active, CRAZY and random can. luckily some malays nice guys went to play with it, if not i dunno when we can shake it off. haha. ohya, i was shocked by the kitten that i screamed so loudly in the middle of the night. =X okays, back to breakfast. prata shop wasn't open, so we headed to the coffee shop beside CU. cheng yong and darren give the 21km run a miss, and they PAID, just because darren is too tired. haha. lalas. we sat there, talked talked, crapped crapped about all sorts of things. not bad la. quite interesting and of cos i enjoyed! haha.
its was about untill 7AM and the two guys accompanied me home. changed and went out of house AGAIN. so i was at home less than 15 minutes! gosh. cy accompanied me take 187 all the way to causeway before taking back and went home. thanks mr chua! went to met weiru cousin. lalas. poor, disappointed cousin. its such a pity, so near tt she could get the camera, but still didn't. :( went mac to eat and headed to her house. watch princess dairy 2 i think. i do admit certain part i dun understand ok. haha. dun put me down, cousin! mind kinda ston due to the lack of sleep. haha. went home at about 12PM plus and slept for a while.
darldarl give me a call to woke me up. chatted for a while before i went two way to find kuku. she was cutting hair, and i keep disturbing her. haha. i even offer help to thomas saying i could take over. lolls. if tt's the case, kuku's hair gonna be damn special. hahaha. went to city hall to meet weiru again and we went funan. nothing much. went to marina to eat and slack at singapore river. the place where i've never been there for so long. its getting so nice, atmosphere was cool. i love river! (((: kuku and cousin keep teasing me and blah. lolls. keep asking me not to get emo as i sat there. haha. alrights, i dunno why perhaps mood wasn't good ba, no idea. kuku took away my slippers and know wad i cried! haha. i dunno why either. MISSES. tears just came falling down. no deny i was tolerating the headache and i miss darl! weiru and kuku kinda know its wasn't really because of the headache tt i will cry. but perhaps is some unknown emotions which i dunno wad is the cause of it. weiru said " i don't think its because of your headache. i think its because you wasn't in a good mood". not exact words anyway. haha. ston there for an hours plus before heading home.
next day. 27aug. english paper 1. mind very ston AGAIN, mainly because of the headache. lalas. look at the question paper. not knowing which to choose. so ultimately choose qns 4. i really pray that i didnt write out of point. sighs. whatever. what done is done. lolls. baby and me headed to evan house after school. baby got freaked out by enzo and bobby! haha. so funny. nothing much also actually. haha. kinda fun! ((: love the girls.
yesterday. 28aug.
e maths paper 2 & english paper 2. no comment. perhaps screwed up too? mind very distracted, i mean really. lalas. baby last min couldn't go evan's house to study. :( sadded. alright, nvm. met karen in the evening to have dinner. junjie come over after his badminton. sat there for an hour plus to chat. headed home at about 8PM. started studying S.S at about 9PM. lalas. i was very tired. didnt really study full force, a bit here and there, agar agar.
and so. finally today. e maths paper 1 was kinda gonecase. lalas. disappointment for e maths. serious. social studies after all still okays. at least got things to write. source based didnt managed to touch last question. ohwells. went prata shop to eat after school with evan and baby. went polyclinic, see if i managed to meet eveline. but duh. not fate. haha. sadded. ohya, i think im really falling in love with dogs. haha. i know im random. but yea, they are cute! met cheng yong at jurong point in the evening. adrian is weird, like saying something yet i dunno what he saying, didnt hear. lalas. haha. went home team before going to mr heng's house. tution was doing question and i attempted a relative velocity question. and everytime come to this topic, i will get stressed up and very quiet. haha. i hate that okays. lolls. went to bukit panjang with mr chua to eat dinner. mos burger, and he tried a new drink. coke milk. haha. thought it will taste funny, but sian, the experiment failed. hahaa. bleahs. wanted to take 187 home. but we couldn't find the way to the bus stop. haha. we're lost there! gosh. i almost get killed by him. and people, if one day i get banged by car, it's definitely or should i say most probably is mr chua who pushed me to the road. hahaha. you're dead. he crapped super lots today. he is crazy! my stomach is burning cos of the laughter. and i get really tired after that. haha.
alright. these few days have been kinda okays and fun. not bad not bad. if not the stress from studies will kill me without all these.
HEY HEY, DON'T GET JEALOUS BECAUSE OF THE DREAM. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU! HAHAHA.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:55 AM :)
26 August, 2007
first thing and the main motive of me blogging today is to apologise to kuku, kelly, darl, weiru. suddenly and last minute not going to church, after saying for so long. IM SORRY. my bad. feel so bad. sighs. but but . nvm.
ohya, spoilt two person's friday night yesterday. sorry.
imagine you're down with that kinda damn headache, and all the things still come towards you - feelings and words, adding on to the suffocating heart. duh. no mercy. nvm. silence, is what i yearn for at times, but sometimes i do fear of it too. tears again came rolling down. no words spoken, im just waiting. no elaborate needed, perhaps.
sometimes, one person reply can show how much he/she actually cares.
so if you don't, so be it. i don't care too.
*not you.
Mr Headache, can you please leave me alone? I HATE YOU!
where's the life? where's the days? blah.
that's wad i yearn for only. do you get it?
now is books, worksheets, notes and words. they irritate me!!
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:56 AM :)
24 August, 2007
its not right to be in blogger now. cos im supposed to be in school! lolls. okays, obviously i didnt go school today. =X once again, its that damn headache. let me alone, will you? rraaahhhh!
yesterday tution, again, in a blink of eyes, its alr 9pm. lolls. i've fun again. haha. ohwells, there is no need for me to emphasize again that i LOVE maths tution ALOT. i learnt, practiced and have fun at the same time! hahahaha. on the way, told MrChua something, as wad he said, its a JOKE. hahaha. which part do you think its the funniest? hahaa.
just packed finish my room. look so much neater and fresh now. ((: a much more conducive place to study now. haha. im going to start work pretty soon. hope it will be effective. blah blah. and hopefully im not procrastinating. lalas.
changed of blog song again. ((: "swear it again ". mr chua let me listen on the way home yesterday. haha. long lost song. love it so crazily last time. very emo song? he said so. hahahaha! dun start to get emo upon listening hor! LOL.
SLEEPING IS LOVE!
im getting random again. =X
| till death do us apart<3 | 4:24 AM :)
23 August, 2007
ever have the feeling of convicted, guilty, yet loved but confused? gosh. i dunno what is this feeling about. lolls. im random.
baby and darl says im abnormal today. am i? no deny. alright, i supposed when a person is not herself, she can sense it too. yes i did. i dun feel like myself at all. something's wrong. you pointed at the right point - the heart. but wad's wrong? it seemed so dead, so blank yet occupied. aww .. everything's contradict! lolls. search me heart, check it!
so many of the unexpected things happened. i pulled through. perhaps some more things are awaiting? lalas. i dunno. certain things really got me thinking, but its alright, i'll find it out someday. yesterday .. fear fear and still fear. afterall, things kinda turn out okay. but its just this feeling. my heart's not feeling good.
and when people just discouraged you. out of fun or anything. the feeling sucks too. and when ppl are so insensitive to others feeling, that wasn't a good feeling either.
and yes, i know you know it.
sensitive topic, and my heart sank. RAH!
going tution again later. prelim starts next week. woah~ so fast. how am i going to survive through? teach me how.
lalas.
okays, not in the right state. BLAH!
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:37 AM :)
21 August, 2007
BABY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! <3
dunno wad got into me. having the bad headache since chemistry practical. argh. Os english oral today, nothing much. should i say average or i screwed it up? blah blah. over alr, who cares.
i've the urge to just compile and summarise the memories and past, mixing them all up together and post it. duh. but perhaps not now, i think it will take quite some time. lolls. lalalas.
tell me,
is there another way out?
show me. i need a easy way out.
memories kill sometimes. truth hurts sometimes.
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:59 PM :)
18 August, 2007
5 days i've left blogger. here i am again.
bad night yesterday. shouldn't elaborate much. but big thanks to jerome, weiqiang and none other den my kuku! (((:
school today pretty okays. one thing that mr chia said early in the morning really encouraged me and warmed my heart alot. really. thanks mr chia! imagine last time you're comdemned like nothing, and this morning you got an encouragement. my tears almost fall, i must admit. ((: touched.
after school, accompany evan go detention. was talking to deanna, lay theng too. blah blah. evan cheated. only stayed there for 10 mins when she is supposed to stay for half an hour. rrraahhh. anyway, mr govin got tricked by me! hahaha. im proud of myself. okays, im lame. lolls.
went home, changed den accompany baby to make specs. headed to west mall after that, planning to catch a movie, but no suitable time slot. lalalas. ate pasta mania and went tution. tired tired. lalas.
ohya, mr sirhan said something encouraging too during tution. to the whole group. somehow somewhere, it did help to boost my confidence abit. and i seriously hope i wun be the one making history for the first time. =X
on the bus home. chat chat, talked talked, home sweet home. (((:
yet another reminder today. yes, i know it. i know i need that ultimate help. i know it gonna make a big difference. but does it matters now if i do or dont? even if i do with a sincere heart, will there really be a difference?
hit my heart. it wasn't feeling so well.
got me thinking, my heart was pondering, worrying.
still, i know i don't dare step into the examination hall without You.
who am i?
one more week to prelim.
where am i to take the papers?
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:46 PM :)
14 August, 2007
hrmm. average day.
got back chinese Os result.
A2, oral distinction. ((:
was kinda happy, but initially aiming for a A1 though.
nvm. hopefully can retake.
you see, A1 & distinction sounds much more nicer! haha.
nothing much after school.
rememdials have stopped! hooray!
dream come true. ((:
went CU eat, headed to mac to do work.
was kinda tired and headed home after tt.
got to know of some things. sighs.
i don't deny i do feel bad towards them,
somehow someway like hurting them indirectly.
but but but ..
some things just make me melt.
alright. ppl present there must be thinking im so horrible.
fancy asking to do such a thing.
gosh. im sorry.
perhaps the 5 people know wad im talking about. =X
unique, special?
i know im bad.
so many work to be done by wednesday.
im sian, im tired. :(
i need strength.
im hoping for more sunshine den rain.
i dun wanna feel tears everyday.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:52 PM :)
13 August, 2007
im not okay.
tears are falling,
like how its raining ..
| till death do us apart<3 | 1:19 PM :)
can you imagine im like so sian, yet still so unwilling to touch the tons of undone work?
argh.
where's my discipline man?
the passion, the fire to mug is gone. what m i supposed to do? force myself to study?
its so hard, you know.
God, will You bring me through these times? give me the wisdom, the discipline. be with me, O Lord.
its like time is running out. prelims and Os ISN'T far away.
15 more days to prelim very first written paper.
71 more days to Os very first written paper.
my gosh my gosh. i dunno how i am going to survive.
and i just hope i'll plan to go into a MIA period.
:(
Jesus, don't hide Yourself from me. You know how much i need You. please, O Lord. teach me how. won't You be my guide?
the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.
the Voice of Truth says " do not be afraid ".
Jesus, You're the Voice of Truth.
yes, indeed You're and You'll be the only One.
| till death do us apart<3 | 7:30 AM :)
12 August, 2007
was kinda with deardear the whole day. ((:
headed to suntec to buy ear studs first. nothing much. walked around and went off to heeren NYDC. eat eat, and catch up. again, i must say, the food is yummy! ((: and yea, suddenly got the urge to go back cosbt. asked deardear and she agreed. thanks dear. the crazy two of us went to buy shorts, changed before heading to church. you see, we're in inappropriate attire. hahaha.
the very first person i saw when my first step into church is PASTOR DANIEL. (((: said a "hi" to him before going up for serivice. quite a number of new songs. tt explains how long i've been adsent from church. =X anyway, service was kinda not bad. deardear is high~ ((: started early, ended early. things were pretty okays. ((: the sermon is kinda practical and nice.
initially deardear wanna go town after church. ended up we're at serene centre, eating mac and den bought ice cream before she headed home. went over to find darldarl, wanting to pass her something, in the end, talk and talk, and i forgotten. =X i like the wind!! cooling. i like the stars! hahaha. headed home shortly after that. ((:
thanks calista darling for the encouragement msg. ((: at least i know you care. im encouraged. really. thanks! <3
she showed me this online, so i decided to blog it down too. ((:
God set me free when I was willing to be set free.
He wanted me to make my decision before moving His hands.
He didn't save me from my misery immediately.
He made me go through hardships before helping me.
He came to my rescue when I really reached my limits.
Only through these I was able to learn and grow
ohya, pastor preached about discouragement today. and yes, im facing it the same day because of a sentence.
but nono, it not gonna affect me.
because God, i know You see it all, You know it all. because Lord, i know that You look right within. i dont wanna care what people say. i dun wanna care how people will see. what matters most is how You think.
there is no need for a mask, no acting. because Lord, everything will come to light before You. there is no need for a pretence.
so what everything is a past now? it will come back and be the same once again in times to come. it definitely will. i believe.
oh girl, you shouldn't be looking to the people. you know who you should look to.
and yes i clearly know.
im running to the Solution.
when the chance comes, and i have the chance to dance with You again, i would play a song that will never, ever end.
<3
because i believe in You,
because im still in love with You.
ohya, i just remember. the lollipop darldarl gave me is still uneaten! hahahaha. =X
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:19 PM :)
11 August, 2007
walking down the endless road,
tears rolled down continuously.
i prayed for rain to come,
to mix with my tears,
and so others wun see through my sadness.
thousands of feelings within me,
yet they can't be expressed out in words.
if only anyone could help me express,
if only anyone who know how it feels.
i feel like breaking down,
i feel like knocking out.
no, no more.
i gonna say no more.
bury it inside, everything about that.
sensitive topic,
similar situations, similar things,
happening over and over again.
i want a stop to all these.
why do people gotta fall when they're supposed to stand?
why do people gotta go through things that they aren't confident of passing it?
why is it so hard to stand up again?
why is it just so hard to get over everything?
hey girl, its part of life. accept it, go through it. you'll be stronger.
so much so much of all the happenings ..
i believe i'll come back being a stronger person ..
and i pray i'll be..
alright, enough is enough.
i should get back to what i am, where i am from.
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:51 PM :)
10 August, 2007
alright. back here after a few days again. ((:
tuesday. i must hand it to mr chia. haha. being a teacher, yet he can be so funny and crappy. lolls. he is just like a kid can? hahaha. the way and expression when he took huishi's bottle, wanting to hit kok. haha. tt's like so funny la. and the way he said things. gosh, he is funny! haha. an awesome way to start my day. hhaha. MR CHIA MADE MY DAY ON TUESDAY! lols.
nothing much for ytd. celebration in school. hrmm, was kinda high at first, but not after that. ohwells, dosen matters. time passed fast also, perhaps tt's the good thing. headed home, changed, and met chengyong.
went tution. lolls. i mus admit its fun too. 3 hours, passed jus like 11/2 hours can. hahaha. ohya, CHENGYONG'S GIRLFRIEND LIVE AT THE SAME BLOCK AS MR HENG, 10 FLOOR. hahaha. lolls. laugh my head off. i can't believe mr heng played along with me. hahaha. so nice. ohya ohya, mr heng praised me. haha WHEE~ im happy happy happy! hahaha. i can't believe he actually asked me go to that course also. i mean, he just said tt la. perhaps, God is hinting me tt's the course for me? hahaha. i dunno. anyway, i had lotsa fun even during tution. ((:
headed to town to meet darldarl with a direct bus. i enjoyed the solo bus trip. hahaha. dunno why. headed back and fro to heeren and cathay. haha. so funny, so hot sia. ate dinner at N.Y.D.C. yummy. the food are all nice. haha. evan ate one is nice nice nice! w/o the weird mushrooms will be nicer! hahaha. im full full. *yummy* got like 2 hours plus free time? haha. slack slack walked back to cathay again. sat there, and while im abt to doze off, i realised i forgot to bring jacket. haha. thanks darl for the white scarf. nice nice! warmth. i love it okays. haha. nothing much. headed home after movie.
slept untill 3pm today. lolls. of cos in between wake up and sleep, wake up and sleep. hah. evan came over in the evening. hoping to go cycling. lolls. but emily called her when she is half way to my house, saying go night cycling instead. after much debating with her parents, she finally can go. so, come over to my house to do homework, before meeting them. alright, kelly and kuku came. emily ended up didnt come, due to no bike. :(
cycle all the way to CU to eat. den accompany evan home. after tt intend to cycle back home, while half way kelly asked if wanna go mac find xiaobai. so okays lo. lolls. sat there, talk talk, eat eat, laugh laugh. haha. i think kelly's maid is funny! haha. i just cant stop laughing when i started. and ohya, stop saying i got no laughing point. haha. but its funny can. especially the egg story and the way her maid would smile and say "ya". hahahaa. kuku's words also very funny, and xiaobai's qns too. make me laugh and laugh. haha. headed home at about 1115pm. kuku is just so nice to help me with my bike. thanks! loves! lolls.
&finally after so long i experienced the night breeze again. (((((: its cool, its refreshing. i love it can? hahaa.
the feeling i had yesterday was unexplainable. though its just a simple day out ( sch, tution, town ), yet i enjoyed myself alot. the smile is no pretence. the laughter and happiness is pure. (((: i love this kinda feeling. serious. if everyday im feeling like the way i do yesterday. but its like.. duh.. its impossible. haha. ohwells, life is ups and downs.
&& perhaps you've always been a friend tt i treasure and cherish alot. ((: tt's why kinda affected by it. yea, that's you. you know who you are. ((:
i keep praying tml was yesterday. (080807)
(((:
| till death do us apart<3 | 3:32 PM :)
06 August, 2007
people, you see this? hahaha. my dearest cousin actually smokes! gosh. and he is only 6 months old can? hahaha. ohwells, obviously is my dad doing stunt. hahaha. everyone is like laughing like hell. lolls. i love him! (((((: babies are love!
aren't everything reversed now? sighs. its the other way round. i just sense so, and im not liking it. whatever it is, i got no control.
and everytime i wanna do something, another thing will just pull me down. and everytime im feeling so fine, something gotta make me feel not good.
and at times, i do admit, im just tired of things.
nothing remain same, everything changes. what's gone is gone, no point yearning for the past. dun cling on to the past, the memories.
let it go, start afresh, girl.
if that's the case, i rather shut the hell up, rather than losing my freedom.
where's the life?
| till death do us apart<3 | 5:49 AM :)
05 August, 2007
wad a dream last night. everything seemed so close. it got me waken from my lalaland. gosh, i think i almost cry out. it felt so real, so scary. the feeling is so strong. i cried in my dream i rmb, in reality i dun rmb if haf or not. haha.
ohwells, no more this kinda dream to scare me. please no. tell me it never gonna come true.
and oh ya, i should say i never wanna anyhow say anything alr. least someone say i gonna haf similar dream the night again. hahahaha!
summary of the past few days.
-
its not about anything. its about that damn feeling being so overwhelming. its about every mention of that similar things, situation or whatever, im reminded of that feeling. i dun want it either. but i dunno why. i dun wanna be selfish. i dun wanna control. i dun wanna be demanding. i want none of this.
i seemed to lost myself. i want myself back. "I" seemed so far away. seemed like losing whatever i used to "possessed". hanging by the edge, can't carry on.
i've finally decided to go prom. lolls. just the day when im adsent from school, and my qiqi lao gong msged me to ask me go. its sucha miracle that i actually agree. lolls.
met mr ng on thurs. talked to me for a good one hour plus. alright, spiritual stuffs. i do admit God spoke thru him alot. i could feel it as if God is speaking directly to me. im touched, no deny. tears almost fall. strong, powerful, i must say. dunno how to say, shan't elaborate too much then. thanks mr ng anyway. and most importantly, thanks Jesus, for the words, for the love and for everything.
-
was kinda irritated jus now. got the feeling of my privacy was being invaded. am controlling my pissness and everything strongly. gosh, i cant believe i didnt scolded. alright, they're kids. nvm. also, i bet some ppl ought to think before they speak. argh. okay okay, breathe in breathe out. relax, its alright. nvm.
none of the days in the week am i looking forward to. supposingly should be weekends. but not really anymore, so much of the work and where has the relaxation and fun gone? i mean, i jus need a true feeling of happiness and enjoyment at the end of each week tt's all. but its seemed so difficult with all the craps.
im starting to miss alot once again. i miss alot of places, eg. clarke quay. i miss dancing big time. i miss the feeling of sweating alot. i miss swimming and alot more. i miss the night breeze. i miss hanging out til late night. i miss the fun, enjoyment, craziness, laughters. i miss the many days staying out late. i miss the staying over at your house. i miss the people. i miss the peaceful and nice times. i miss beaches. i miss sun-tanning. i miss guitaring. i miss the sitting around, talking. i miss the crappings. i miss the emoing. i miss the heart to heart sharing. i miss the not-so-packed-with-work time.
im jus missing so much more.
im so easily tired before the end of each day. oh gosh.
and now, yes, im tired alr.
You showed me that Your love has never die on me.
<3
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:32 PM :)
03 August, 2007
i want myself back.
where are you?
i cant hang on any longer.
| till death do us apart<3 | 2:07 PM :)
01 August, 2007
im back here. yea, i didnt go school today. went out early in the morning and went studying with weiru. nothing much tho. ohya, im late again. =X
finally we stopped doing after 4 hours plus later. went to school and take something from chengyong. went wisma to help him do the camera thingy and went back to jp to meet the three. nothing much actually.
my mood went down all the way. & if you really know and understand how deep, how down it really went. sighs.
weiru came over to my house. im hungry and she offered to cook for me. not bad. nice nice *YUMMY* tho its just maggie, but its really nice, and got wanton and cheese hotdog! i miss darldarl's maggie and hashbrown!
nothing much. im sian. gotta continue do work again.
&my mood hasn't gone up a single bit. i hope it didnt went down any deeper instead.
i hate waiting, i really do.
| till death do us apart<3 | 11:11 AM :)
