Dance In His Love ;

04 March, 2007

wad conclusion should i draw for today,
or rather yesterday.
silence...

since so long i last went saturday dance practices. time passed very fast. liang lao shi said something that make me super pai sey lah. crap. tedious dance practices coming up soon. preparing for SYF, here we come. wait for us.

went church with karen and jing wei. was pretty late, missed cell group quite alot. nth much. wasn't in the right state i suppose. controlling the tears all along.
here come service. what the hell m i doing in service? im not singin, im not jumping, neither do i seem to be worshipping. tears keep falling throughout, regarding of praise or worship.

sermon, pretty good one. had a difficult time before calming down and tears stop falling. halfway thru the sermon,
wondering
- why do i go there for?
- where is my faith?
- do i still love Him?

sighs. what kind of questions m i thinking and asking. idiot me.

what m i doing, hestitating, deciding during the altar call? didn't i want to know His assignment? i think im gone case, i even hesitate if i should take the communion.

its not a matter i can or not, its whether i want or not.

she came and said wanna talk to me after service. yep, said out certian things which is quite stupid lar.
monday ... what wil it be like? what is he going to say to me? what will i say? how i will react? what gonna happen? what will it be like? i got no single idea.

cabbed home with karen. simply no mood to do anything.

wad i show is it really how i feel?
or is it just on the surface only?
do i really dun care, dun mind, not scare, not worry, nothing?
do i really heck care, m i really so open-minded??
deep inside what is it really.
who knows?
i dunno.
it keeps me thinking.

where is my best for everything?
where is the craziness, excitment, highness?
what gonna be like, at the very end of day, end of time?

complications. making me so weary. i dunno what is it that i really want.
certain things i somehow already expected ..

one single sentence, + 2 simple words and my tears fall again.

how long more wil i run out of tears.
been tearing so much today.

i dun want my world to be as dark as this room.
i need a light to shine through.

are you still there with me, for me?

can't breathe easy.
fallin apart, yet trying to stand strong still.

-
so much so much of struggling.
almost wanted to let go of Your hand.
but it seemed so difficult.
i dunno why. i didn't.

You asked Peter 3 times.
and You seemed to be asking me just now,
" do you love me? "
wanted so much to say yes,
but there is hesitance,
i dunno where is my true heart.
i dun wan any pretence.

| till death do us apart<3 | 8:44 PM :)